Thursday, February 2, 2012

Just a Theory

Lately I’ve been completely lethargic and run-down. I’ve had no want to do anything. I still do stuff, but I do it with complete disdain. I had been happy and up-beat and joyous. I had been loving cooking and exercising and reveling in the changes I’d made. Now it’s just a depressing chore.

It appears this strange phenomena is not just happening to myself, but has begun happening to other people. Jason experienced an alarming loss in energy recently. Mike has once again fallen off the blog planet, a fact I attribute to a lack of creative energy. (Or maybe he’s just too busy being a rock-n-roll god. Don’t know.) Jeff dispises the entire universe.

I think I know the source of my problems. I’ve been having headaches again. I hate writing that, but it’s true. Nasty little migraines that plague me morning, noon and night. From when I get up until I go to bed. Two days now. It feels like my brain is trying to push out my right-eyeball and I have an overwhelming desire to kill everyone around me. This can only mean one thing…

I am Patient Zero.

It’s only a matter of time until I die (probably at my desk) and come back from the dead to feast on the flesh of the living. Someone should probably take a shotgun to my head now to avoid the impending apocalypse. Or find me some Oxycotin. Or at least some effing gin.

So why is everyone else having problems? Their immune systems have sensed the coming doom and have gone into overdrive to ensure their future survival against the plague, thus sucking up current energy reserves in the process. Obviously.

I’m sure it’ll all be better soon. My apologies for any inconvenience.

~ Stephanie, Queen of the Zombie Horde.