Sunday, December 21, 2014

Poetry: i really need a cigarette

I haven't written much poetry, but a couple times I've inspired to jot down a line or two. The below was written around 2002. I was working at MONY in downtown Syracuse. It was a horrible job with a horrible manager and her back-stabbing, arse-kissing lackey. The rest of my co-workers were amazing, and we had some really good laughs over the 5 years I worked there. 

Unfortunately, I've lost track of my close friends there. As has happened many times to me throughout my life. Partially out of lack of communication; partially out of lack of memory. (I should probably have that checked someday.)

I wrote this one dull afternoon from my cubicle. Incidently, I would still love to find this bar, even though I no longer really need a cigarette. If New York State hadn't banned smoking in bars, it might be a different story...

i really need a cigarette

i need a cigarette.
i won't have one.
but i'd really like one.
and an ice cold labatts.
labatts blue.
in a glass.
with two ice cubes.
while sitting in a dark bar.
the kind with a nice bartender who reminds you of your uncle.
your cool uncle, that is.
he refills the peanut bowl.
i refill the ashtray.
there's a lame football game on the tube.
miami's getting beat.
by --- whoever --- as long as miami's getting beat.
there's a guy at the end of the bar telling bad jokes.
he hates his home too.
keeps complaining that his wife likes line dancing too much.
he's thinking about buying her a bedazzler for christmas.
(not sure if he's making a joke or not).
there's an old barmaid waiting on a young couple in the corner table.
they ordered burgers and fries.
it's their third date.
she wonders if she'll give it up.
he wonders if she'll give it up.
the waitress wonders if she'll get anything for this effort too.
the clock reads three thirty-seven.
i really need a cigarette.

Sunday, December 14, 2014

Mini Hats

I've been making mini hats lately. I love hats, but I do not have a "hat face." But anyone can wear a mini hat!

The first two hats are Doctor Who themed. The Tardis is a solid metal charm and it's very heavy. The band and dots are meant to represent the Dalek. And the large pearls in the center of the flowers are the Ood spheres.

Then I made three Christmas hats.

What do I plan to do with these hats? No idea. I just love making them! I plan to get more supplies and start making mini hats for other holidays and seasons.


Sunday, December 7, 2014

Book Cover Reveal!!!

There she is! The cover for book #2 in The Lyssa Winfield Mystery Series. It's busy, I know. A real publisher would lose their mind if they were presented with that. I don't care. It's my books and I love the covers. I'm not focused on becoming a best-selling author. Just an author who loves her own work.

The back cover is done as well. Like the front cover, the back cover is similar to the one on the first book. I'd post it here, but the tiny writing will make you go blind. Instead, here's some inspirational pics along with the book summary from the back cover.

Lyssa Winfield

Purveyor of purses, hoarder of shoes, leader of nerds. CEO Bryan Markison’s favorite production manager in charge of his modest video game empire is a workaholic who’s recently found herself in a new relationship with the man of her daydreams. Constantly juggling work with pleasure in a valiant attempt to neglect neither her career nor her personal life, Lyssa’s magical feats of time management will be for nothing if her beau isn’t around to appreciate it. She barely has enough time to find a Halloween costume, much less squeeze in a dinner date with…

Alex Dane

The epitome of tall, dark, and handsome, this Markison Industries security specialist has just returned from a tense business trip in the Middle East and back into the arms of his sexy girlfriend in Boston. Adjusting to “normal” life isn’t easy for the covert op who is used to years of solitude. If he isn’t being inundated with late-night surveillance jobs, co-workers interrupting his invaluable private time, and nagging doubts accompanied by unreasonable fits of jealousy, then he’s having to compete for his girl’s attention with…

Sean Webber

When the recent murder of a college student is linked to online gaming activity, this Boston Police Detective reaches out to Mutation 2: Evolutionary Divide’s production manager for her assistance in solving the case. As this dashing knight in shining Armani gets closer to Alex’s princess, Lyssa finds her kingdom in turmoil. The introduction of a potential rival brings out a desperate side to Alex that makes Lyssa question if she wants to continue in this relationship.

Who is murdering the students? Who will win the battle for Lyssa’s heart? Will Simon have the expansion pack monster designs done by the deadline, or will he fail and suffer Lyssa’s wrath? And who keeps leaving crates of office supplies on Alex’s desk???

This is the second book in the Lyssa Winfield Murder Series.

This book contains adult situations and is intended for mature audiences with a good sense of humor only.


Saturday, November 29, 2014

At my mother's request --- CARDS!

I haven't posted any cards in a while. Mostly because I've been really lazy about taking pictures of them. Drew just recently setup our photo tent with lights in the front storage room so it'll be ready to use anytime I want to take photos. 

WARNING: I'm still learning to use the photo tent and camera. So these photos aren't the best. But they are A LOT better than what I used to take.

This past summer, Stampin' Up came out with new Blendabilities markers. They're alcohol ink markers, which I'd never used before. I bought all the colors they offered and went to town coloring. I can't "blend" for caca with the dang things, but I can color better than any third grader on the planet. I'm pretty sure I enjoy it more too. Love these things!!!

The below collection of pictures come from a wonderful little website Free Dearie Dolls Digi Stamps.

I'll start with a couple summer cards to remind us all of what we miss.

Now here's some Halloween cards, because that's two holidays ago. Makes sense!

I made some love cards...

I love those mousies!!!!

I "painted" a Paris card. The picture is an ink drawing by Seth Swilk

Below is a map I colored. I used the World Map stamp from Stampin' Up.

I did the next card in several different colors. I used the Blended Bloom stamp from Stampin' Up.

I made several of the below using a technique I learned in a card class with my Stampin' Up rep Jessica Brigden. The flower centers are sticky pearls that are colored by the alcohol ink markers to match the card. Yes, the markers can color pearls as well as sticky gems. So cool!!

Some colorful Buddhas. The stamp is from Inkadinkadoo.


There's a chance if you get a Christmas Card from me this year, it might be one of the cards below. Consider yourself warned. If you don't want to see it before you get it, turn back now.

I cut out the nutcracker with my Silhouette. He's perched on a piece of red glimmer paper. The background is gold ink stamped on black paper. The stamp set is Bright & Beautiful Stars from Stampin' Up. It is so much more cooler and shinier in person.

Rudolph was cut out with my Silhouette. He's on top of gold glimmer paper. The paper behind that is from Stampin' Up. I don't remember the name of the DSP pack, but I think it might be retired anyway. 

This is all Stampin' Up. From the current holiday catalog, I used stamp sets Holiday Home, Festival of Trees, and White Christmas. It's missing something in the upper right-hand corner, but I don't have anything to put there I like, so it might just go as is.

Now you're up-to-date with my card making. I expect to make Xmas cards this year. I also expect to be debt-free and a size 8 when I wake up in the morning, so take that into consideration when I mention my dreams, goals, and expectations.

~ Steph

About That Damn Book...

This originally started off as a Facebook post, but it got stupidly long (like this sentence is turning out to be), so I decided to make it a blog post instead.

To my fans: You have been so patient and understanding, and I appreciate you all so much. But that book ain't comin' out before New Years. I'm sorry. I've hit a HUGE problem with it and instead of just patching the hole and publishing something I'm not 100% happy with (I'm a writer - will I ever be 100% happy with anything????), I've decided to give myself a break. 

I know! I keep making promises that the book will come out.  But I tried! I really did! Ask Drew. I've been making him bonkers talking about it. And it's been eating me up that I can't get it done before Xmas. So much so, that I have got nothing else done. I've got to stop and step back from it.

There's also a chance that after posting this my creativity will burst with a fantastical idea. That's happened before. It happens a lot at work just after I email the bosses. 
   "Dudes! We are so screwed!" 
Five seconds later...
   "Oh, nevermind boss dudes. I figured it out. Abort the self-destruct sequence. Thanks."

Not to mention the fact that my accountant is going to give me that look again next spring when it's tax time and he's going through the 1099s.
   "$4.58 from Amazon."
   "Pathetic, I know. I didn't publish a book this year."
   "You said you were going to."
   "I know."
   "Are you sure you're a writer?
   "Yes! I am!"
   "Uh huh."
   "I am!!!"
   "You know, making a profit isn't a bad thing."
   "I promise I'll do it this year!!!"
   "Uh huh."
   "I will! By the way, what's a profit?"

I am happy to report that the book is 75% done. When will the rest be done? Don't know. Not even going to give an estimated guess. It's about 16 months overdue at this point, so there's no sense in me telling you anything. But a lot of it is done, so that's good, right???

Yeah, I know. I deserve that.

Oh, and the cover is done. I'll be revealing that this week along with the back cover synopsis. Something to look forward to.

So, if you'll forgive me, I'm going to step away from this computer and go make some holiday cheer. Put together some cards. Maybe play a video game with the hubby. I haven't played House of the Dead in a while. Or maybe I'll just get out of this darn house before I go insane!!!!

In the meantime, here's a couple pics I found that gave me some inspiration for a few of the scenes from the book...

And finally... did you ever notice that guys make the same face no matter what size gun they're shooting off? Huh.

Maybe I'll go watch The Mummy.


Sunday, November 9, 2014

Jeff's Surprise 50th Birthday Party

Remember that time I organized Diana's wedding reception and I said I'd never plan another party again? Yeah. I lied. Because last month we had...


Jeff is my "brother." It's in quotes because he is not my brother by blood. "Brother" is a designation given to me by Jeff's wife Bonny. She uses it when he gets in trouble, like some people do their children or pets.  

"Did you hear what your brother did now?"  
"Ut oh. What'd he do?"

Bonny approached me months ago to discuss a party for Jeff's 50th birthday. She had no idea what to do. A wine trail limo trip? Rent the game bus? Do we do dinner or just beer and munchies? And where do we have it??? It was tough to figure this one out. Bonny was not a party planner and all my ideas involved Michael Bay-style explosions and hot male strippers. Clearly there was a middle ground here we were completely missing. Eventually, the idea of a party was dropped as it turned out Jeff and Bonny would be on a two-week vacation during October and he wouldn't even be here for his birthday. A super-long vacation should be a good enough birthday celebration.

Then something we should have expected happened... word got back to us that Jeff was a little forlorn at the prospect of no party for his 50th birthday...

"Stephanie! We have to have a party!"
"I'm on it!"

After I made sure that Bonny didn't mind my taking over the planning ("Please do!"), I contacted Stacey...

"We're having a surprise birthday party for Jeff! It's going to be the weekend before Halloween!"
"Halloween birthday party? I am all over that!"

Bonny wasn't too keen on the Halloween part...

"I'm not wearing a costume."
"You don't have to."
"No costumes."
"Ok! No costumes! Can we at least have sandwiches and junk food that I don't have to tend to so I'm not in the kitchen all night? Like tailgate food?"
"I think you found the theme to your party."
"Jeff's a Chargers fan."
"True. Well, this will be the Chargers party he'll never get to have since they'll never win a Super Bowl in his lifetime."

I broke the news to Stacey...

"It's a football party. Specifically, the Chargers."
"They're blue and yellow."
"Those colors aren't very Halloweeny."
"No. We have to figure something out here."
"To the Pinterests!"

Stacey found the neatest idea for invitations. Game tickets! I created them using They weren't nearly as difficult as they looked like they should have been.

Incidentally, I check online and that section/row/seats are supposed to be the best seats to see a game at Qualcomm Stadium where the San Diego Chargers play. I'm strangely anal about things like that. 

Bonny supplied me the invite list. With just his family, her family, super-close friend, and Jeff's department from work, it was way more than she expected. I assured her this would not be a problem. I mailed the tickets along with a note stating that this was a surprise party and Jeff would be lured to the firehouse under the pretense that he would be attending a Tastefully Simple Fall Catalog Dinner being thrown by my hubby Drew. We have done this in the past, so it's not entirely that odd a scenario. Plus, we figured it was the one event that Jeff would never say no to because it's for the-nicest-guy-on-the-planet-that-would-do-anything-for-anyone Drew. I even mailed a TS invite to Bonny and Jeff for the fake dinner party. We had everything covered!

Unlike Diana's reception, in which the food was provided by Lewis Restaurant and some family members, I said I would do the food. How hard could it be? It's just tailgate party food for 80 people.

Oh, very gosh darn hard!!! For one, I'd never cooked for 80 people before. I had no idea how much I needed for anything. You can google it and it'll tell you that you need 1.25 pounds of food per person of this but only 0.75 of that... blah blah blah... totally unhelpful. I decided to make it based on what we had for Diana's reception, which was 125 people. So, we just need 64% of the amount of food. It was nice in theory.

In the end, I bought way too much, I cooked way too much, and my time management (which is usually spot-on) was woefully inadequate. I underestimated how much time it would take to make the food. When Friday night rolled around, I found myself inundated in the kitchen. To make matters worse, my back seized up at one point during the evening. It was a sad sight. A fat woman crying and cooking while trying not to bend over. Beautiful. 

Having gone to bed at 2:30 am, I was a hideous creature the next day. I showered and dressed to go to a TOPS Rally Event I had to be at. I had debated not going, but I'd already paid for it, so I was going. With wet hair and whatever clothes I could find, I rolled into the car. My fellow members were stunned when I arrived. 

"You look awful."
"Come on! Is it that bad?"
"Yes. Probably worse."

I explained to them what I'd done the previous day. They shook their heads at me.

"Didn't you say you'd never do this again?"
"Did I?"
"I love you guys. Can I have a hug?"

I do truly love them. They're awesome. By the end of the Rally, I was a happy, happy camper. My friends made me laugh and I'd been awarded one of the Top Ten Best Losers for Summer. I got a ribbon and a little certificate. I had no idea! Apparently I was less fat after summer than the beginning of it. To be honest, I hadn't paid that much attention.

Afterwards, we went home and our attentions turned back to Jeff's party. Drew and I loaded up the car with all the food. Thankfully, Drew had taken all the decorations, paper goods, coffee fixings, beer, water, soda, and anything else not requiring refrigeration, over to the firehouse the night before where Christie -- amazing co-worker and Fleming Firefighter/EMT -- was cleaning the hall and setting up the tables for the party.

At 4 pm, Christie, Drew, Stacey and myself, all gathered at the firehouse to start prepping. Stacey and I both thought 4 pm should be plenty of time to do this for a 5:45 pm party. In reality, 3 pm would have been better. We worked quickly though and got the decorations up.

We got cheapo tablecloths from the Dollar Tree. I'd used my Silhouette to cut out some footballs, players & cheerleaders, and Chargers lightning bolts. The tin buckets, also from the Dollar Tree, were filled with peanuts. 

In each of the three side windows, we hung the simple banners I made (love that Silhouette!). Stacey and I made the jersey's from cardstock and foam board backing (also Dollar Tree and again... Silhouette cut outs!). They were so cool! I don't have a photo of it, but the guys were taking pictures of themselves while holding the jerseys in front of them.

Stacey made this really awesome scoreboard!! She, too, is a Silhouette fanatic!

Drew borrowed speakers from our friend and local DJ Toby. Interesting fact... his DJ service is called Silhouettes Co. MORE SILHOUETTES!

And here's our audio technician at the controls! Drew, Stacey, and myself created the ultimate Tailgate Party playlist (thank you Google!) 

As the time grew near, people started to arrive and my anxiety returned tenfold! We'd forgotten to start the coffee --- Stacey took that over. The nacho meat wasn't reheating quickly enough --- Christie grabbed a large skillet and went to town. The Velveeta wasn't melting. 

"Are you kidding me??? You have one function in life, Velveeta! To melt!! Why aren't you melting???"

I'd put it in the crockpot plenty early enough, but it wasn't melting nearly as quickly as my sanity. So, I put the crockpot in the microwave. It took ten minutes and it wasn't so much melted as it had turned into molten plastic. Ridiculous.

As the time grew close to 6 pm, and Jeff's arrival, we were all wondering if we pulled this off. Surprising Jeff was not an easy thing. It's hard to hide things from him.

We did it!!!!!!

He was completely surprised! I can't believe we managed to keep this a secret. Bonny even arranged it so he'd wear his Chargers shirt so he'd fit right in.

Appetizers: Nacho bar, Popcorn bar (thank you Christie), Cheeseball (thank you Stacey), Dips, Crockpot Chex Mix
Entrees & Sides: Wegmans Sub Platters, Nino's Pizza, Pasta Salad, Hashbrown Casserole, Baked Beans, Fruit Salad (thank you Stacey)
Dessert: Football cake and cupcakes (thank you Cindy)
Beverages: Wine (thank you Bonny)

This was a great party! Just for fun, here's a list of the stuff Stacey and I thought of but decided we couldn't due... for obvious reasons...

1.  A taped-off VIP section including a couch and two barcaloungers. Like they have at the Dome. Or at least did the last time I was there twenty years ago.
2.  A replica of the ESPN Sportscenter desk for amazing guest photo-ops.
3.  Terry Bradshaw to sit at said ESPN Sportscenter desk. (Yeah, I know. He doesn't work for ESPN. I couldn't tell you which anchor does. But Bradshaw looks like he likes a party!)
4.  A copy of the 1981 Chargers vs Dolphins playoff game to play on the large screen TV. The "Epic in Miami" has been hailed as the best NFL game in history. But apparently no one has a copy of it. I tried like heck to get this.
5. Originally, the banners and jerseys would be hung from ceiling. And there would be dozens of them spanning the room. Kind of glad that we couldn't do that.

There's no way I could have pulled it off. As it was, I couldn't have done what we did without so many people's help. And since this is my blog, I'm going to take a moment to thank them.

Stacey - You are the best co-party-planner ever! You kept me sane when I was freaking out!
Christie - Thanks for booking the fire hall and for all the awesomeness you bring with it! I so appreciate it. And huge thank you to the Fleming #2 Firefighters that helped with clean up. I hope you enjoyed the leftovers. ;)
Cindy - The cake and cupcakes were the bomb!! 
Karen - You helped clean up and did the worst task ever... cleaned out the Velveeta crockpot! Yuck! Thank you!!!
Drew - As always, you were a great help. I can always count on you. You can never leave me. XOX
Bonny - Thanks for entrusting this party in me. I appreciate your low-maintenanced attitude to party-going. Makes my job really easy. Of course, if you weren't, I wouldn't have done it. Ha!
Jeff - For once in your life, thank you for being clueless. By the way, do you now know why Bonny needed to buy more wine in Myrtle Beach??? Duh! Haha!
Thank you everyone who came and participated in the secret! 

Until next time... Bahahahaha! What next time? I'm never doing this again... No, I mean it this time... Sure, I know exactly how much food to make now, but it doesn't mean I'll do this again... There's no next time... No.... No... A wha?????... Really??? I don't know. When is Mardi Gras???... 



P.S. Pam, my offer still stands. If you and Ralph renew your vows, I will throw you a Harry Potter themed reception afterwards. Just think about it.