Monday, February 13, 2012

Crock Pot Preppers

Stacey and I are big fans of Doomsday Preppers. It's a show on Nat Geo Tuesdays at 9 pm. It's about people who are preparing for the end of the world by stockpiling guns, food and water, charting out escape routes, and being really, really odd. Well, that seems to be the running trend on each show.

We like to watch it and rip on it. Some of these people are out there. Some just seem slightly paranoid. We have learned a lot of interesting things though! It's not without educational value. It's just not for us. We've already decided that if armageddon does come to Auburn, NY that we're going to either:

A. Get out a map and find the nearest prepper's house and ask for an autograph (and food and water and vodka).
B. Whore ourselves out for supplies.
C. Find a gun and off ourselves, because we don't really want to live in a post-apocalyptic world. It sounds like it sucks. Especially if it's populated entirely by preppers.

(Except maybe that family in New England that made their own cider. They seemed awful nice.)

I have to admit though...I have a little prepper in me. (I have a bug out bag, but it consists of items for a spontaneous weekend trip. Not exactly 72 hours of survival supplies. Unless you're trying to survive in a 2-star hotel because it does have a wine bottle opener!) My prepping lately has been canned goods.

I live in Auburn, NY and it tends to snow here. A lot. I don't expect to be hit with a snowstorm so bad that I'll be barricaded in my house until Dennis Quaid can rescue me. But there is always the possibility that we will get a massive snowfall overnight and the city will be shut down for a few days until we dig out. It's happened in the past. It's hardly apocalyptic, but I would like to know that if it does happen that I'll be able to eat a hearty meal from my trusty crock pot!

So tonight I stocked up on some crock pot staples. Supplies for my crock pot in the event of a food emergency.


Butter Beans, Chili Beans, Kidney Beans, Diced Tomatoes, Fire Roasted Diced Tomatoes, Chili Style Diced Tomatoes, Taco Seasoning, Neufchatel Cheese, Beef Broth, Chicken Broth, Cream of Chicken Soup, Frozen Peas, Angel Hair Pasta, Spaghetti Sauce, Frozen Chicken Boobs...

I am obsessed with my crock pot. And I'm spreading my hellish love for slow cooking with all my friends. Jason is even now blogging about his experiments with the slow cooker! Feel the power of coming home to dinner!!!! Cross the threshold and Smell the glory of not having to cook!! June Cleaver is dead...say hello to your crock pot!

Ok. That got a little weird. But I don't think it's any weirder than hording condoms or learning how to make and shoot a bow so I can eat squirrel. And yet, that's what some people are doing. If they were serious about prepping for the end of the world, they'd get themselves spayed or neutered, and become a vegan. (It's far easier to hunt and trap root vegetables.)

Why even take the chance of getting preggers at all? Who would want to raise a child in a world where they can have no friends or play outside because they have to live in a bunker with ten other people and eat dried corn? I mean, what are you going to do when they hit puberty? Yeah, did you ever think of that??? (Now that I think about it, isn't that the plot of "The Hills Have Eyes"? Ew.) Solution: Chernobyl your womb. Then you don't have to waste space storing feminine hygiene products or Midol either.

Survival at the end of the world is starting to sound like everything now-a-days. Highly overrated. But at least if you have a crock pot, you have a party...and only one dish to clean. That is if you didn't waste all the water making ice for the whiskey sours.

Stay Tuned for our next Episode of Crock Pot Preppers!
Should I buy a generator to run the crock pot
in the event of a loss of electricity in an emergency.
(Yeah, that would kind of be important.)

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Crock Pot Preppers: The Prequel

After yoga, Drew & I went to Aldi's for weekly grocery shopping. For my family in Tennessee and friends in Wales, Aldi's is a discount grocery store. They carry their own line of products at much cheaper prices. Sometimes they have name brand goods, usually for a limited time.

The store is much smaller than the huge chain stores, like Wegmans, Krogers, Publix, Food Lion, Summerfields and Tesco's. The entire store is the equivalent of maybe four aisles in those stores. But they still have just about everything we need. It's amazing how much stuff you can fit in a small store when you don't have to carry twenty brands of the same item. And I like it this way! I don't like making decisions. Comparing twenty labels and prices takes too much time. At Aldi's I can go, "I need ranch dressing," and I only have one place to look and one decision to make --- regular or lite. Because Aldi's does have a lite/healthy brand too called Fit & Active. And honestly, their stuff is pretty good!

Some people would snub their noses at Aldi's. "Discount food! Gross!" Those people have obviously never tried it. Not only have I liked just about everything I've gotten at Aldi's, some things I think are a million times better.

Pork chops. Best in the world. Always tasty and moist. Even after I freeze and thaw it. Just super yummy.

Bell peppers. I don't know how, but they have these huge yellow, orange and red bell peppers that last forever. It's amazing. If I didn't actually eat them, I'd think they were plastic. Sometimes they sit in my fridge a long time before they get used and they're always still good.

Cheese. String, sliced, crumbled, shredded, brick. Any kind. Awesome.

Canned goods. Soup, tomatoes, beans. AMAZING!!! In fact, they're so good I should get a whole bunch in case they run out...

And so it begins...

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Absolutely not related to a crock pot in any way...

It was a long day. I woke up with terrible neck and back pain. I had a theory a couple nights ago about why and Drew's agreed to help me test it out. I always sleep on my left side. Always. And it's the left side that's broken. We're going to switch sides of the bed. Why switch sides? Because if I just roll over, then I'm breathing in Drew's face and vice versa. That sucks. So we're gonna switch sides so I can sleep on my right side with my big, fat buttocks still facing him. HaHa!