Sunday, April 28, 2013

Cards! Cards! Cards!

I made cards!  The below are some blue dress designs which I'm quite fond of.

Below are cards for Mother's Day. You can click on the picture to see it bigger.

These are some of the cards from the swap at Terrie's workshop last Tuesday.

(L to R: Christie, Stacey, Shirley, Teresa)

(L to R: Jessica, Karen, Terrie, Teena)

My card is missing. I forgot to include it when I photographed the others. But it wasn't anything spectacular.

And finally, below are the cards we made during the workshop. I loved that umbrella one so much I ordered the set.

That's all.  Happy Sunday!

Thursday, April 25, 2013

The Adventures of Butterball: Beyond Blubberdome Week 4

* The Adventures of Butterball are true stories about my *
* trials and tribulations as a stupid fat girl.  Enjoy! *

I don't have anything too interesting to say about the diet and exercise this week. Drew tried to poison me. That's about it. 

Actually, I have no idea what upset my stomach, but something did. Monday night and most of Tuesday I was a hurtin' mess. I blamed Drew's cooking, but I don't really know what it was. My stomach's tempermental now so it would have been anything. I haven't eaten anything on the "naughty" list, but it doesn't always mean my stomach likes me still.

Anyhoo, I tried to exercise Tuesday morning despite the pain. I had to pause it a couple times because of nausea. Finally with 35 minutes done of the 50 minutes workout I had to stop completely. I was very dizzy and sick again.

I ended up missing Wednesday morning's exercises because of lingering pain. I was better by Wednesday night but missed Thursday's workout just because I slept through it. I figured it would happen at some point. I'd spent 40+ years hitting the snooze button and it was bound to happen at least one morning without me remembering. 

Even though it wasn't a "perfect" workout week, I'm happy with the outcome. Finally, after 4+ weeks of strenuous workouts...


I'm comin' for ya, you big ugly ape!!  HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Just Some Other Stuff That's Going On

I've made a few cards in the past couple weeks. Below is a lotus card I made for my yogini.

Next I made a couple blue dress cards for my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law's mother, whom we had dinner with on Easter.

The obsession with the scarves is still going strong. In fact, I'm making them for friends now. Of the five scarves I made in the past two days, only one was not made for someone. That was the purple one. 

And this week Drew and I bought a new-used car.

Yep! We finally traded in the 1998 CRV for a 2010 CRV. It's in near perfect condition and she's the LX version, so she has a sunroof, leather interior and heated seats. She was a returned lease and what a bargain! We found her at Romano Mazda. Our salesman was Mohamed, a former Marine who's new at Romano. He was fantastic to work with! There was nothing "salesman" about him. I can't recommend him enough. He's just a really nice guy without a scamming bone in his body.

Just before we left the sales lot in our new car I patted the old one and thanked her for being a great car. Then I cried like a baby. Drew actually hesitated. "Do you want to stay?" "No! Just go." I'm quite attached to my cars. The '98 CRV wasn't just a vehicle. It represented so many wonderful memories. Trips to Myrtle Beach. Wine trail adventures. Ten years of safe winter driving. I don't take these things lightly. There's a reason we had that car for ten years. She served us faithfully and without fail. Yeah, she was old and rusty, and needed repairs over the years, but never once did she breakdown and leave us stranded. And that's why I bought another. I am very brand-loyal to products and companies that treat me good. So that means when the cars and crockpots get replaced, I will thank the ones I leave behind, cry a little bit, then give a little pep talk to the new ones to let them know about all the fun we'll have and that I will love them just as much.

Yes, I talk to the cars and crockpots. I'm sure by now no one is really surprised by that.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

The Adventures of Butterball: Beyond Blubberdome Week 3

* The Adventures of Butterball are true stories about my *
* trials and tribulations as a stupid fat girl.  Enjoy! *

Ok, I'm pretty sure everyone who said, "Oh, you'll start burning fat in 2-3 weeks" or "Keep up the good work! You'll see results soon!" are somewhere in an evil lair laughing their asses off now at my expense.

A two and a half pound gain this week.

Really? Are you fucking kidding me? I'm so pissed I'm not even going to bleep that out. I did all my workouts this week and I busted my ASS doing them.

And to make matters worse, Jason had a shit week (still no goddamn bleeps!) and he still managed a pound loss. I don't know how, but I'm sure he's to blame for all this. Someday I'll figure it out and when I do I'll kick him square in the package. 

Incidently, that was the workout this morning. Muay Thai. Which is Romulan for "Kick to the Testes." It was a great workout. I sweated my invisible balls off. If they had been real balls I might have lost some weight!!!

You know I didn't start exercising expecting a miracle. It's not like I wanted to be Gina Carano...

Ok, sure. Of course I'd love to be Gina Carano. I just meant that it's not going to happen. But I also didn't want to be Pam Poovey...

Even though Pam is pretty cool and she can out-sex Archer, so there is that. Not to mention we both have a soy-allergy. I'm sure it's just a coincidence.

Well, I guess I'm going to have to get drastic now to lose the weight.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

The Adventures of Butterball: Beyond Blubberdome Week 2

* The Adventures of Butterball are true stories about my *
* trials and tribulations as a stupid fat girl.  Enjoy! *

I had a 1.25 pound loss this week. I should be happy about this. As everyone says, "Hey! It's a loss! Any loss is a good loss!" This is true, but when you've worked as hard as I have it's still a little disappointing. I'm morbidly obese (a term that makes my morbidly obese stomach churn). You'd think that I would be dropping pounds in the beginning like Paula Dean drops butter into something baked with a lot of butter. (I don't know. I don't bake.) 

I know what the experts all say. It takes a few weeks for the muscle to start burning that fat. And I'd already gone through my initial "water loss" stage months ago when I started eating healthy, so I don't even have that perk this time around. Still, it kinda sucks.

But! I'm not quitting. There have been so many other perks to this exercising thing (if you missed it, see here) that I'm not giving up. I know the long-term benefits will be coming. That's why it's called "long-term." (Genius!)

I have to give Jason congrats on doing so well, even if he wasn't really trying. But he's still a bastard.

Enjoy the lead while you can, Temporarily Fat Purple Disney-Copyrighted Octopus Creature-Thingie!! My fantasy boyfriend Prince Eric is gonna kick your ass! You'll know him by the white shirt, blue pants and red belt that he ALWAYS wears. I mean, seriously? Can't switch it up with maybe a tight black T and khaki's once in a while? At least he's not Prince Charming and wears red pants. Soooo embarassing. Poor Cinderella. Anyway, bite me, calamari witch.

P.S. Yeah, I'm not planning to win any photoshop awards either.

The Adventures of Butterball: Tapout Week 3 Review

* The Adventures of Butterball are true stories about my *
* trials and tribulations as a stupid fat girl.  Enjoy! *


Week 3 has been a fantastic workout week. Despite the issue with the sneakers (see HERE for those details).

1.  I'm not winded walking up the stairs at work. In fact, I bound up them at a pretty healthy pace now. Especially since I'm not so sore that I wince with each step.
2.  My girlie push-ups have improved massively! I can do more of them as well.
3.  I can use the resistance band during all of the workouts. I don't always do the moves as quickly as they do, but I do them and I try harder than hell to never give up.
4.  Working out in my bare feet has proven to be interesting. Most of the time it's better. A couple of the moves had my toes screaming, but since everything else on my body has witched & bitched during these workouts why should the toes miss out on the fun! 
      I honestly prefer not having to fart around putting on socks and shoes in the early morning. Even after my ankles heal I don't think I'm going to be reaching for the sneakers when I workout. Aha! I guess sometimes stupidity can lead to something good. Next time the Universe wants to give me a tip though I wish it would just send me an email or text. Not all lessons have to be that painful. Jeez.

1.  I still hate getting up at 5:30 am. I don't have the same energy during my workouts as I do on the weekends when I can get up, eat, digest, putz around, then go do a killer workout. I actually like doing the workouts on the weekends. I don't have that kind of love at 5:30 in the morning.
2.  There is no #2. Only one negative thing this week. Sweet!


Sunday, April 7, 2013

The Adventures of Butterball: This Time Stupid Wasn't My Fault!

* The Adventures of Butterball are true stories about my *
* trials and tribulations as a stupid fat girl.  Enjoy! *

If you've been keeping track, great.  If not, here's the summary:

1. So far I've completed two weeks of TapouT XT workouts. I decided to adjust the workout schedule this week so certain workouts and the rest day will fall on better days in my schedule.  Week 3 will begin this Tuesday.
2. I've not seen any tremendous change in my body statistics, but my energy levels have been through the roof!
3. Jason proposed a "friendly" weight loss challenge. I stupidly said, "Yeah, why not?"
4. Weigh-in #1. Thanks to a bowel movement the size of Kelly's preemie twins (combined!), Temporarily Fat Jason is leading Butterball 4.8 pounds to 2.5. Abuse has been dealt and taken, though not very gracefully. It wasn't even 48 hours before comments deteriorated to immature levels that included potty-humor and unflattering sex jokes. Just the kind of things you'd expect from us. Pam was officially disgusted a long time ago.
5. I ruined my feet.
6. I'm having a craving for lasagna and a loaf of garlic bread. I won't eat it because it will likely kill me, or at least feel that way. But I want it. I sense I will be doing something as dramatically bad for my health that won't involve wheat, soy, milk, or sugar. Like a couple dozen chicken wings. Or a bunless burger with a pound of bacon on top.
7. Oh, didn't I tell you about #5? Let me tell you about #5.

It was a beautiful Saturday morning. The kind of Saturday that after the long, dark, cold month of March you don't care if it's only 40 degrees outside, the sun is shining and you're not wearing a coat, dammit! The kind of bright, sunny day that leads one to think, "Let's drive to Onondaga Lake Park and briskly walk the five mile circuit!"  "Yes! Let's do that!"

One forty minute drive later...

0.00 mile starting point...

"Ah, what a beautiful day! It's a little nippy out."
"You'll warm up soon."
"Sure. Wow, that breeze does whip up off that lake, doesn't it? Probably should have brought a hoodie, or something. Nevermind! We'll just enjoy nature in all her glory! Breathe in! Breathe out!"

0.50 miles later...

"Yep. Shoulda brought a coat." *sniff sniff* And tissues."

1.00 miles later...

"How's your knee? Bothering you?"
"A little."
"Yeah, me too. Not bad enough to turn around though. We'll walk it off. It'll be fine."

1.50 miles later...

"It's not fine. Let's turn around." *sniff sniff* "Give me your sleeve Drew."
"Uh, no."

2.00 miles later...

"You ok Steph?"
"My shoes are riding my heels. Starting to hurt. This sucks."

2.50 miles later...

"Oh my God! What the hell?! I wear these sneakers all the time! I workout in them! I wear them to work sometimes! They've never bothered me!"
I proceeded to walk as carefully as I can without moving the sneakers. I look like I was born with some kind of degenerative disease in my legs.
I debated taking my shoes off but didn't really want to risk getting some kind of dog-piss virus. 
Then I debated making Drew carry me to the car but I seriously doubt that even Ronon-Conan-Dronon-or-whatever-the-hell-his-name-was-in-Game-of-Thronon would be able to carry a 250 pound woman a half mile much less my husband. Not that he wouldn't try.

3.00 miles later...

Crying now.
"What the bleep is wrong with the Universe?! What did I ever do to it?! All I want to do is exercise and get healthy! It can't just give me one bleeping break, can it?! Look at this Drew! LOOK AT THIS!"
I pulled down the back of my sock to show him the skin that was already peeling away from the bloody blister on the back of my ankle.
"Wow! You know you didn't have to show me."
"I didn't want you to think I was just a whiner."
"I believed you! We need to get you some bandaids or something."
*sniff sniff* "Just give me the tissues."
"How are your calves?"
"Well, that's good, right?"
"Yeah, that's just God-bleep bleeping incredible."

So, Team Butterball is a hurtin' camper today. I was going to try the Power 90 Fat Burning Express and decided to work on my book and feel sorry for myself instead. Because that's proven to work so well in the past! Ha! The only shoes I can wear are my slippers. Oh, my co-workers are gonna love that. Looks like flip-flop season's come early this year.


Can I get this beer-battered and deep fried with a side of bacon and mayo? 

Thursday, April 4, 2013

The Adventures of Butterball: Tapout W2,D6

* The Adventures of Butterball are true stories about my *
* trials and tribulations as a stupid fat girl.  Enjoy! *

Week Two ends with a new workout. Let's see how our heroine did.


Pre-workout mood: I really hate getting up in the morning. But I have to do this.

Day 13 is Cardo XT + Ultimate Abs

46:20 Warm up. The setting is different. They're in a gym. At least it might be a gym. It looks a little photoshopped. Or maybe it's just the "To Quit Does Not Exist" sign in the back of the room that's been photoshopped in. Actually the sign looks real from different camera angles. Everything looks real from different camera angles. But straight on it looks phoney.
   And what's up with Mike's hair? He combed it flat. I can't decide if it's dorky or sexy. Kinda cute actually. Definitely not photoshopped.
   He's only got three people with him today --- Monet, Susan & Mary. My fave three. Well, plus Sam. He's a fave too. At least his abs are. But he's not working out today.
   Wait a minute, they're in their bare feet. Crap. Remove the shoes quick!
   Warm up's almost done now. I've discovered I have no coordination today. I don't have a lot normally, but today I have none. I got confused by jumping rope. Hope we don't do that much.
   My left leg is wicked sore today. It's not pain. It's very, very sore. Being very careful to keep my form.
31:00 Rope and sprawl. Wow. I can sprawl today. I wouldn't have even attempted to throw myself on the floor like that last week. I'm not great at it and not very fast, but I can do it. I can even do it without stopping.
26:30 Burpee. Oh this is a monster move. It involves gettin' down, gettin' up, kneeing the crap out of things. I want to quit so bad, but I just envision kneeing TFJ in the groin and surprisingly I have the energy to continue.
Mike: "These people love me but I bet you're hating me at home!"
Me: "I don't hate you but if we were a relationship on Facebook it would definitely be complicated right now."
KILLER MOVE! K-90. High knees + One-armed mountain climbers + Obliques. I have to do two-armed mountain climbers, but I did it.

The cardio was awesome! I have never sweat so much in my life! That workout's a keeper! The pain in my knee worked itself out during the workout, which is good. 

Rest Day! I honestly can't wait for the Rest Day to be on Monday. For two weeks now I've gotten up on Thursday morning and thought, "Last workout of the week!" My brain automatically assumes it's also Friday. But it's not. I still have another day of work. And that sucks more than working out. A lot more!


Wednesday, April 3, 2013

The Adventures of Butterball: Beyond Blubberdome, or I Haven't Done Anything Stupid In A While, So...

* The Adventures of Butterball are true stories about my *
* trials and tribulations as a stupid fat girl.  Enjoy! *

Yesterday my co-worker, friend and fellow fatty Jason emailed me. 

Fancy a friendly weight loss contest?

Ok, those weren't the exact words but it's close enough.

Jason is a very competitive person. He's a very fair person. He's sharp-minded with an even sharper tongue.  He can be very witty and even downright ruthless with his comedic remarks. He's proven in the past that he can very effectively lose weight too. This would be a mental and physical challenge in which he would take no prisoners.


I don't like challenges. I'm not a competitive person. I play trivia for fun. I don't keep score. My parents forced me to play summer softball when I was young because it got me out of the house. I would get physically ill before games just thinking about it. But I do enjoy a little friendly battle. Especially one that will keep me motivated to exercise, so...

Sure! Why not?

And thus was born...
Beyond Blubberdome: 
Butterball vs Temporarily Fat Jason 
Weight Loss Challenge eXXXtreme

This is a serious challenge being performed by two people who take not being serious very seriously. (Yeah, I think I got that right.) Jason's going to trash talk me and I'm going to say things like, "Kiss my fat ass, jerkface! I mean, not literally. That's gross. You know what I mean!" I don't do trash talk very well. I have no hope of reigning supreme there. The best I can do is to be annoying as all hell. If I'm lucky it might come off as moderately humorous.

So, let the game begin.

You are so going down TFJ! I mean, not literally. That's gross. You know what I mean!

Yep. Now you know why there's a triple-X in the title. It's not just my shirt size and a so-so Vin Diesel action flick. It's pretty much where all conversations lead to. Even the ones I have with myself. Conversations, that is. I mean...oh nevermind.

For details about the challenge and to see the "lovely" challenge photos he stole and photoshopped artistically created, see Jason's blog.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

The Adventures of Butterball: Mid-Week 2 Evaluation

* The Adventures of Butterball are true stories about my *
* trials and tribulations as a stupid fat girl.  Enjoy! *


Week 2 has bee an interesting mix of dramatic highs and lows so far. The first two days showed massive improvement. The third & fourth days showed that my laziness and miserableness weren't completely out of my system. I worked out but not with as much energy or excitement. Causes included lack of sleep, a hyperextended knee and too much yoga. (Too much? Yes. Keep reading.)

I had a big issue with Yoga XT this moring. I do yoga on Monday nights with my beautiful, brilliant yogini and friend Theresa. She has helped me in so many ways. When I have aches and pains she instructs me how to fix it. She's been so instrumental in giving me tips that have helped me continue working out. Plus she gives me hugs. Hugs like my mommy would. I miss those hugs. Not everyone can do that. It's a gift. So, I'm not giving up my Monday night yoga class. But getting up and doing Yoga XT on Tuesday mornings kinda sucks. It's just too much yoga in too little time.

What do I do? Skip Yoga XT since I'm already doing yoga less than 12 hours before that? Swap Yoga XT with another workout later in the week? I like Yoga XT. Just not on Tuesday mornings. And it's going to be an issue with me. I'm already starting to resent it.

I've decided it's best to move it. But I don't want to mix up the schedule! I'm sure TapouT designed the schedule for a specific purpose. So I'm moving the entire schedule. Instead of starting my workout week on Saturday, it will start on Tuesday. This makes Monday my rest day, which is good because for whatever reason I cannot sleep on Sunday nights. I could use the extra 1-1/2 hours of sleep that morning. I can do yoga Monday night and be stretched and ready for Tuesday morning. Then Yoga XT will fall on Friday morning. Perfect!

But what about this week? Easy. Finish this week on Thursday, rest day Friday, do a couple of my fave workouts on Saturday and Sunday (Competition Core will be one of them! If not both!), rest day Monday, yoga Monday night, start week three on Tuesday. Easy peasy.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I didn't report this to anyone, but on Day 10 I did my measurements as the TapouT XT chart instructed me to do. The findings didn't help at all. I'd lost 1-1/2 pounds, gained a 1/2 inch on my stomach but apparently lost two inches on my thighs. Really? I had joked at work during week 1 that with my luck I was growing abs under my fat and just getting larger. Well, apparently I am! I've been assured by the workout affionados around me that this is normal and to not freak out. Muscle grows faster than fat goes away, but the muscle will continue to burn fat so it's all good. Blah blah blah. I'm just gonna go eat a damn cake. Hell.

Now why didn't I lose 14 pounds like all the Success Stories on the DVD's? Quite simply, because:
A. I do not have a penis. (Although I'm pretty sure I have more balls than most of the guys I work with.) Let's face it. Guys lose weight quicker and bulk up faster. That's just a fact of nature. So, a morbidly obese woman trying to compare herself to a dude with a beer-gut is a stupid thing to do.

And the other reason is:
B. I'm not following the nutrition plan. I don't have to. I follow the eating guide setup for me by my nutritionist because I'm wheat/soy/milk/sugar intolerant. I'm sure my plan is probably very close to the TapouT XT nutrition guide. Lots of protein and veggies; low on carb. The people in the Success Stories weren't eating this way to begin with so their bodies had a bunch of "junk food" to dispense of immediately when they started eating healthy. That's gotta be it, right? Honestly, that's what mine did. When I learned of my food allergies and started eating right I dropped weight quick. But then the loss leveled out and I had to turn to exercise to lose additional weight. And here I am!

Still, I expected something a little better. I probably shouldn't get my hopes up after only ten days. It's not like there hasn't been improvement. I've had so much more energy! I'm almost starting to "pop" during the workouts. Almost!

So, I'm not going to let this get me down. I'm kind of excited to see what improvements we'll see in Week 3.  

Thanks for following and supporting Team Butterball!