Friday, September 16, 2016

5-Day Juicing Challenge : Day Five

The continuing adventures of Drew, Stacey, and Stephanie’s 5-Day Juicing Challenge


This morning’s check in:
Drew: But there’s bagels. Baaaagels. *waaaaaah*
Stacey: Let’s get this the *bleep* over with.
Steph: I got some sleep. I feel pretty good. (I should probably keep that news to myself.)


September 16, 2016 - Day Five

After yesterday's disaster, I got a lot of much needed sleep last night. The work stress is no longer an issue (well, until something else goes wrong). I'm excited about today because IT'S THE LAST DAY!

To make it fun, I told Drew I'm going to sing to my juices. In my own particular style.

L. to R. Breakfast, Coconut Water, Lunch, Break, Dinner, Evening
(Missing: Dignity)


Breakfast: Red Cabbage, Carrots, Oranges, Sweet Potatoes
"IF I COULD TURN BACK TIME! I PROBABLY-WOULD-HAVE-DONE-EVERYTHING-THE-SAME-WAY-AND-STILL-BE-IN-THIS-POSITION!"

Mid-Morning Bathroom Discovery:
“IN THE NAVY! YOU CAN SAIL THE SEVEN SEAS! IN THE NAVY! I COULD SIT ALL DAY AND PEE!"

Morning Snack: Coconut Water
Uhhhhhhhh, due to a technical glich, I did not have Coconut Water today. I gave my last Peach & Mango to Julie, who agreed that it wasn't very palatable. I didn't go back to the store for more. I'll just add some True Orange flavoring to my water and pretend it sucks.


I drink a gallon of water at work every day.
Sometimes I like a little diversity.


Lunch: Kale, Apples, Cucumbers, Pears, Ginger
Dumpa dumpa dumpa dumpa, dumpa dumpa dumpa dumpa, ba-dump.
"I wear my sunglasses at night, so I can... so I can... blah dee blah dee you command a raise. Something... and something... and something else. DON'T MISS THE FLAN WITH THE GUY IN SHADES OF YORE!"
Does anyone have a damn clue what he's saying in that song?? Oh well. Doesn't matter. it was a great song and God bless you, Corey Hart. You are missed.
He's not dead. You're thinking of Corey Haim.
Oh. Well, God bless him. And the other Corey too.

Afternoon Snack: Same as breakfast
"I-I-I WANNA ROCK AND ROLL ALL NIGHT! AND PARTY EVERY DAY!!"

Juicing is Metal!!!
Said no one. Ever.

Post Afternoon Snack: Pain killers???
Oh, why not? We've come this far, aspirin. Let's finish this together!


Dinner: Same as lunch
Sung in the style of Lawrence Welk...
"I want to bleep you like an animal. I want to feel you on the inside..."
I really say bleep too instead of fuck. It's much funner.
I think Trent Reznor would be honored. Well, Trent Reznor now. Trent Reznor circa 1994 would juice my head and force Fred Durst to drink it.


Evening Snack: Grapefruit, Apples, Limes, Romaine, Cucumbers
"WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS, MY FRIEND! BA DA DA DUM DUM! AND WE'LL KEEP ON FIGHTING 'TIL THE END! BA DA DUM DUM! WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS! WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!! NO TIME FOR LOOOOSERS 'CAUSE WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS... dum dum... of the woooooorld!"
God bless you, Freddie Mercury. God bless you, apples and lemons and celery and cucumbers.
But not you sweet potatoes. You can eff right off!!

Day Five: Damage Report, Sponsored by 'Yo Mama
Me - I'm going to bed and I'm not getting up until I can eat some eggs and toast.
Drew - I lost five pounds! That's nice.
Stacey - Anyone want a BLEEEEEEPing juicer?!

THE END.
Or is it????
Screw you. This is the end.
Oh, ok.
Except for the Post-Game Show... STAY TUNED!