Friday, January 31, 2014

The Adventures of Butterball: The Cheeto Dust Weight Loss Challenge - Week Three and 3/4

* The Adventures of Butterball are true stories about my *
* trials and tribulations as a stupid, plus-sized girl. Enjoy! *

Last week (or so) on Cheeto Dust Weight Loss Challenge...
I saved four kittens from drowning in the Mississippi. Or not. I don't remember. 

THE CHEETO DUST WEIGHT LOSS CHALLENGE
WEEK THREE and 3/4

This is late. I know. A bunch of people have complained to me about it. I didn't have the energy to write something up, and, more importantly, I didn't really have anything to say. So, this week you just get my ramblings. Almost none of them have to do with the CDWLC, but that's what you get for following me around on the internet. Inconsistency and ramblings.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *


My Diet-Friendly Tip of the Week


If you plan to give your co-workers Chocolate Chip Cookie Mix In A Jar for Christmas, bury the chocolate chips at the bottom. If you put them at the top, some poor, sad, weak-willed girl is liable to open the jar and eat the chocolate chips without even bothering to make the cookies.

I'm just sayin' that it's possible...



*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

Last weekend Drew and I finally watched the last Harry Potter movie. Drew had read the books, and I'd read all the spoilers online (mostly by mistake), so we didn't feel this great urge to rush to see it. If you haven't seen the movie, there may be some spoilers here. Then again, this movie came out in 2011. I'm pretty sure if you haven't seen it by now then you don't deserve to be protected from spoilers anymore. I mean, I found out the ending and I didn't complain about it. It's been 3 bloody years since it came out!

When I watch a movie, I really watched a movie. I get into it. I talk through it. Mostly to complain. Once in a while I'll jump up and scream, "Run, you stupid mother effer!" Yeah, I'm that person. I only do that at home though. I'm rarely in the theater, but if I am, I don't do that. Because I don't want to get shot. By Drew. It makes him crazy with rage that I talk through everything.

Here's what I screamed during Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows, Part 2:

  • Ok. The movie is starting. It's over two hours long? Oh sweet Jesus. Can we just skip to the part where Harry kills Voldemort? No? Oh, alright.
<<< I proceed to ask Drew nine-million questions because he read the books and I don't really remember much of the previous movies. After every answer, I say, "Are you sure?" And he stops talking to me. Until the next question... >>>
  • This is hilarious! Hermione looks just like Bellatrix! So cool.
  • BORN FREE!!!! I want a dragon.
  • Why are the students just running around the halls like a bunch of jerks? Pick a window and defend it! You stupid, little prats! Where are they going?! Are you effing kidding me??? 
  • Holy shite. Snape really got the short end of the stick, huh? Oh, is he really gonna die? That sucks. Say it Harry! Say it! "By Grapthar's Hammer, you shall be avenged!" HAHA!
  • Why the hell didn't they just call this whole thing "Hermione and Snape Save the World"?
  • Wow. Turns out Dumbledore really was a dick. Could he at least show a little remorse for this? Dick.
  • Harry's dad was a bully. Brilliant. I wish Snape's ghost would show up and bitch-slap those glasses off his face. Dick.
  • ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME??? STOP RUNNING AROUND!!!
  • Bellatrix is dead! YES!!!
  • Do you realize if they just let Harry die in the first movie then Voldemort probably could have been defeated anyway? And Snape could have been left alone.
  • Nineteen years later? No one did anything for nineteen years? Lazy gits.
  • What the hell happened to Ginny Weasley's face? It's flat as a pancake. And as round as one.
  • Haha! Ron got fat! 
  • Ah, even Draco got married and had kids. Nice. I liked his mother's character. She was kind of cool.
  • Well, that was good. Those kids really turned out to be good actors. I like that Hermione stopped being quite so melodramatic. Luna was my favorite though. But honestly, can someone give Alan Rickman a role where he gets to be the knight in shining armor? Really. Let me check IMDB...HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!! ALAN RICKMAN'S CHARACTER IN GALAXYQUEST WAS ALEXANDER DANE!!! BUT THAT'S THE NAME OF MY HERO IN MY BOOKS! I DIDN'T REMEMBER THAT! OH MY GOD!!! HOW FREAKIN' COOL!!!!!

My final verdict: GalaxyQuest is the best movie on the planet. Or any other planet in the Universe.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

My Favorite Saying This Week

"I didn't fall off the wagon. I murdered the driver."

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

MONDAY, JANUARY 27TH - WEIGH-IN DAY

I gained a pound. So bite me. I'll get back to it in a minute, but first...