WARNING: This is long and even more rambling than usual. It's also dedicated to my friend Candy because she wouldn't have wanted it any other way! (By the way, she's not dead. That kinda sounded like Candy was dead. She's not. Jeez, I'm rambling already.)
My super-bff Stacey turned 40 today and I'm not dealing with it well. It's like a reminder of my 40th birthday almost four years ago. I was miserable. I'd turned 40 and done nothing with my life. Well, nothing I wanted to do. My girlfriend Kelly slapped me upside the head and gave me a lecture. It helped. Stacey doesn't need a lecture. She's fine with it. This is why...
Stacey looks good. And she's happy. Might be because of the wine glass in her hand. Let's all go get some wine!! (By the way, no, that's not me in the middle. That's a cardboard cow-creature at Buttonwood Winery. Love that winery! Oh, that's my hubby Sparky on the right. He's always happy.)
Most of my readers are well aware of my self-defeatist attitude, my stupidity and low self-esteem. I've blogged about it several times. If we're all lucky, it'll be funny too. It's good to be able to laugh at yourself. Especially when you're being an idiot. The problem is that it's not always a healthy thing to do. The best thing to do is not be an idiot to begin with.
Does everyone here know Jason? He's my buddy, co-worker, fellow Leo, and twin baby brother who, just to be obnoxious, was born years after me and from a completely different womb. Of course this hasn't stopped my mother from liking him more than me. I'm surprised she hasn't started calling me by his name. "Jason...Amy...Cat...You...You know who you are. Open this jar for me."
Where was I? Oh yeah, Jason was just talking about The Greater Fool on his blog. Everything in life is a choice. Sometimes you have no control over the outcome; sometimes you do. But you always have control over your attitude about it. Just as important is the attitude you have going into that choice. You can make a choice with the attitude that you're a winner regardless of the outcome. Or you can do what I usually do, which is make a choice, cross my fingers, and pray nothing goes wrong with the car today. (I pray for that everyday. That's a given even if I'm not driving the car.)
At least that's how I read Jason's blog. I'm sure at work tomorrow he'll say to me, "That's got nothing to do with it!" And I'll say, "Shut up and move on shorty." Because in my life I choose him to be 3' tall.
I got sidetracked again. Crap.
In an effort to keep focused on what I want my priorities in life to be and to keep me upbeat about them, I've surrounded myself at home with items that are reminders of the choices I should be making and the attitude I should have about them and my life in general.
First up...the Holstee Manifesto...
I have this poster framed and next to my desk. I can look up at any time and see it. It's really what all my priorities in life should be.
Second up...Murder at Heart Lake...
This is a photo by one of my co-workers and guitarist for local band Johnny Bender - Mike Bruton. The first time I saw that picture I said to Mike, "I want to make that a book cover!" He was jazzed about it until I told him it's a book about the dead body in the lake. I don't think that was the point of the picture, but I'm telling you...THERE'S A DEAD BODY IN THAT LAKE!! Because of my fascination with it to be a book cover, Drew bought the picture for me when Mike took part in an exhibition at the Seward House. We had it framed in the appropriate dramatic greys & blacks, and it hangs near my desk to remind me...THERE'S A DEAD BODY IN THAT LAKE!! I will write that book. While you're waiting, check out Mike's photography HERE.
Finally, I have all kinds of knick-knacks on my desk.
- A flask from Kate that says, "I'm A F*cking Lady" on it. It reminds me that I'm not and I never will be and that's ok. Because I have a flask!
- I have a wooden book box that Stacey decorated for me that says, "Murder With Merlot: A Wine Trail Murder Mystery by Stephanie K. Deal" on it. Another reminder that I want to start writing my Finger Lakes Wine Trail Murder series.
- I have a colorful voodoo doll key fob that I bought from Covent Market in London. It reminds me that this isn't all there is. There's a huge world out there with over 7 billion people in it. And it's fascinating!! If I don't like the space ten feet around me, just walk. That's all. Just walk. There are other spaces! There are other people! Most quite lovely! I don't have to let the assholes bother me.
So, today's goals are very simple. Don't let unimportant things, people and ideals occupy the space in my brain. Seems easy huh?
Note to self: Don't screw it up.