The Adventures of Butterball: The Cheeto Dust Weight Loss Challenge - Week Three and 3/4

* The Adventures of Butterball are true stories about my *

* trials and tribulations as a stupid, plus-sized girl. Enjoy! *

Last week (or so) on Cheeto Dust Weight Loss Challenge...

I saved four kittens from drowning in the Mississippi. Or not. I don't remember. 

THE CHEETO DUST WEIGHT LOSS CHALLENGE

WEEK THREE and 3/4

This is late. I know. A bunch of people have complained to me about it. I didn't have the energy to write something up, and, more importantly, I didn't really have anything to say. So, this week you just get my ramblings. Almost none of them have to do with the CDWLC, but that's what you get for following me around on the internet. Inconsistency and ramblings.

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My Diet-Friendly Tip of the Week

If you plan to give your co-workers Chocolate Chip Cookie Mix In A Jar for Christmas, bury the chocolate chips at the bottom. If you put them at the top, some poor, sad, weak-willed girl is liable to open the jar and eat the chocolate chips without even bothering to make the cookies.

I'm just sayin' that it's possible...

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Last weekend Drew and I finally watched the last Harry Potter movie. Drew had read the books, and I'd read all the spoilers online (mostly by mistake), so we didn't feel this great urge to rush to see it. If you haven't seen the movie, there may be some spoilers here. Then again, this movie came out in 2011. I'm pretty sure if you haven't seen it by now then you don't deserve to be protected from spoilers anymore. I mean, I found out the ending and I didn't complain about it. It's been 3 bloody years since it came out!

When I watch a movie, I really watched a movie. I get into it. I talk through it. Mostly to complain. Once in a while I'll jump up and scream, "Run, you stupid mother effer!" Yeah, I'm that person. I only do that at home though. I'm rarely in the theater, but if I am, I don't do that. Because I don't want to get shot. By Drew. It makes him crazy with rage that I talk through everything.

Here's what I screamed during Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows, Part 2:

• Ok. The movie is starting. It's over two hours long? Oh sweet Jesus. Can we just skip to the part where Harry kills Voldemort? No? Oh, alright.

<<< I proceed to ask Drew nine-million questions because he read the books and I don't really remember much of the previous movies. After every answer, I say, "Are you sure?" And he stops talking to me. Until the next question... >>>

• This is hilarious! Hermione looks just like Bellatrix! So cool.
• BORN FREE!!!! I want a dragon.
• Why are the students just running around the halls like a bunch of jerks? Pick a window and defend it! You stupid, little prats! Where are they going?! Are you effing kidding me??? 
• Holy shite. Snape really got the short end of the stick, huh? Oh, is he really gonna die? That sucks. Say it Harry! Say it! "By Grapthar's Hammer, you shall be avenged!" HAHA!
• Why the hell didn't they just call this whole thing "Hermione and Snape Save the World"?
• Wow. Turns out Dumbledore really was a dick. Could he at least show a little remorse for this? Dick.
• Harry's dad was a bully. Brilliant. I wish Snape's ghost would show up and bitch-slap those glasses off his face. Dick.
• ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME??? STOP RUNNING AROUND!!!
• Bellatrix is dead! YES!!!
• Do you realize if they just let Harry die in the first movie then Voldemort probably could have been defeated anyway? And Snape could have been left alone.
• Nineteen years later? No one did anything for nineteen years? Lazy gits.
• What the hell happened to Ginny Weasley's face? It's flat as a pancake. And as round as one.
• Haha! Ron got fat! 
• Ah, even Draco got married and had kids. Nice. I liked his mother's character. She was kind of cool.
• Well, that was good. Those kids really turned out to be good actors. I like that Hermione stopped being quite so melodramatic. Luna was my favorite though. But honestly, can someone give Alan Rickman a role where he gets to be the knight in shining armor? Really. Let me check IMDB...HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!! ALAN RICKMAN'S CHARACTER IN GALAXYQUEST WAS ALEXANDER DANE!!! BUT THAT'S THE NAME OF MY HERO IN MY BOOKS! I DIDN'T REMEMBER THAT! OH MY GOD!!! HOW FREAKIN' COOL!!!!!

My final verdict: GalaxyQuest is the best movie on the planet. Or any other planet in the Universe.

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My Favorite Saying This Week

"I didn't fall off the wagon. I murdered the driver."

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MONDAY, JANUARY 27TH - WEIGH-IN DAY

I gained a pound. So bite me. I'll get back to it in a minute, but first...

The Adventures of Butterball: The Cheeto Dust Weight Loss Challenge - Week Two

* The Adventures of Butterball are true stories about my *

* trials and tribulations as a stupid, plus-sized girl. Enjoy! *

Last week on Cheeto Dust Weight Loss Challenge...

I've entered a weight loss challenge with some of my male co-workers. So far I'm in the lead with a 10.5 pound loss, which is 3.88% of my body weight. I am determined that by the end of March I will come out on top of all 14 of these guys. 

That's what she said!

Shut up, Hoyt!!!

THE CHEETO DUST WEIGHT LOSS CHALLENGE

WEEK TWO

Having firmly established my eating plan of a healthy fruit and veggie smoothie for breakfast, I've decided to take it to the next level.

A healthy fruit and veggie smoothie for breakfast AND lunch. * Cue dramatic music. *

Drew wasn't interested in the smoothie lunch, so he had to figure out what to eat for himself. I continued to make smoothies for both of us for breakfast though.

Honestly, it wasn't that hard for me. I enjoy the smoothies, and I've never felt so good since drinking them. My brain isn't in a complete fog all the time. I'm wide awake. I have more energy. My co-worker Pam wants to strangle me because I babble non-stop. Like a 15-year old girl whose woken up one morning and discovered that the boy who sits in front of her in English smells like a man. I am just that hyper all the time now. It's no wonder that Drew supports my health eating plan 100%!

Another interesting side effect of drinking two green smoothies a day? I poop green. I do. I poop out foliage. It's like broccoli soup. Weird.

Here's my new recipe this week. It's for the juicer. Drew hates it, but I like it.

Sweet Potato Blast

Servings: 2

1 sweet potato, cubed
2 apples
1 red, yellow or orange bell pepper
3 clementines

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Exercise has picked up. And I'm not just talking about my bouncing off the walls (although that's gotta burn up some serious calories after two or three hours). I went back to yoga on Monday night. I haven't been to a class since October. It was interesting. I'd forgotten how challenging it can be.

Bend over and touch the floor.
Yeah, I can do that.
...with your feet together, toes touching.
Well, now I can't. My thighs are in the way.
Kneel, bend forward, arms stretched out in front of you, and breathe.
I can't! My tits are suffocating me!
Go down on one knee...
Mother-puss-bucket! That's a lot of weight for one knee, lady!
Stretch to the side, push your hip forward.
I'm heavily lopsided at this point. Oh crap. Mayday! Mayday! We're going down!
That's what she sai--
HOYT! And get out of my head!
Now the other knee...
ME..SWEARING..BIG..BAD..WORDS..AAAARGHHH!!!
Sit, legs stretched out in front of you, bend forward, try to get your chin to your knees.
I would, but my stomach is already there. I can set my chin on my chest which is currently being pushed up into my face. Charming. You know, somewhere there's a guy who'd pay a lot of money to wank off to this. One guy. Somewhere. Who fulfills that market niche.

I do actually enjoy yoga. My yogini is very understanding and patient with regards to the challenges I bring to class each week. I never give up though. I adjust. I do the best I can. And occasionally -- just occasionally -- I surprise her. But mostly I make faces and flip her off. That's how she knows she's doing a good job!

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On Wednesday night, I got a haircut. For fun, I weighed myself before and after the haircut. 0.6 pounds lost. And here it is!!!

It looks like someone murdered a Tribble.

While cutting my hair, my hairdresser Jennifer made an interesting discovery...

"You have some curly hair back here."
"I've seen those. A couple strands that are wicked curly?"
"There's a bunch. And they're in clumps."
She held up a clump for me to see.
"Wow! Does that mean I'm getting old?! Is that old people hair?!"
"No." Pause. "I won't tell you what they look like." Snicker.
"OH MY GOD! I HAVE HEAD PUBES!"

Yep! Apparently I'm growing pubic hair on my head now. Fantastic! Drew can't grow any hair on his head, but I can grow ALL of it there. Ugh.

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Monday, January 20th : Weigh-In Day!!!

This week I weighed in at... 262 pounds??? I went up 2 pounds? For crying out loud! I'm no longer in the lead. I'm not far behind though. Oh well. I still feel a lot better, so I'll keep trudging along doing what I do.

Still Happy!
Steph

The Adventures of Butterball: The Cheeto Dust Weight Loss Challenge - Week One

* The Adventures of Butterball are true stories about my *

* trials and tribulations as a stupid, plus-sized girl. Enjoy! *

Preface: Did you notice I changed the header above? It used to say "stupid fat girl." I made one resolution for 2014, and that was not to use the F-word. FAT. I use it constantly, usually in reference to myself, and always in a derogatory manner. Even when it's funny. I've decided to stop doing that. I'll use it when I'm referring to trimming up chicken boobs or when discussing nutritional content of certain foods, but not about myself. Or anyone else. No more.

Ok. Now that's enough seriousness. Let's talk about stupid. (I'll give up that word next year.)

THE CHEETO DUST WEIGHT LOSS CHALLENGE

WEEK ONE

Yes, my dear friends and internet passers-by, I've entered another weight loss challenge! This one is at work, and it involves about 14 guys and me. No, I'm not talking about a Rugby team. (But I like the way you think.) It's actually more entertaining than that.

For a couple years now, some guys at work have participated in a weight loss challenge. It usually goes for a couple of months. This time from January to March. You pay $5 and the person that loses the biggest percentage of body weight wins the money in the form of a Dick's Sporting Goods Gift Card.

PSA: John would like everyone to know that their website is www.dickssportinggoods.com. Yep, it's the ENTIRE store name. Do not shorten it. DO NOT! Just trust us here. It's for your own safety. Thank you.

This year I learned that the Guys Weight Loss Contest was not just for guys. Anyone could join. To date, no woman had because no woman wants anyone else to know her weight, which is kind of counter-productive for a WEIGHT loss contest. I don't honestly care if anyone knows my weight because I'm a fa--, er, extra-extra large girl. There's really no hiding the fact. Everyone's fully aware I'm playing Russian Roulette every time I sit on the exercise ball that's rated up to 250 pounds. One of these times that baby's gonna blow, hurtling plastic and sand in every direction at a horrifying rate. Casualties will be in the tens, or even twenties.

Needless to say, my morbid obesity is a glaringly obvious. So, I paid my money and immediately started trash talking the other players how they were gonna go down! (Remember, I am professionally trained in this sport by Jason.)

The name of the challenge is something I made up. And I'm pretty sure I'm the only one that uses it still. It was inspired by a conversation at work with Hardware Support.

"You know you've got an eating problem when all your t-shirts have Cheeto Dust racing stripes across the chest." ~ John H.

Don't all challenges have t-shirts? I paid five bucks. Where's my t-shirt?

I don't have a problem with Cheeto Dust on my t-shirts. Because I suck every speck of Cheeto Dust from my fingers!! No speck left behind!

MONDAY, JANUARY 6th- Starting Weight 270.50 lbs. (As witnessed by no less than 4 of my fellow challengers.)

HOLY CANNOLI! That's a lot. Even more than I expected. It also means I've almost put back on all the weight I lost previously.

Crap.

But that's ok! It's a starting point, and I can work with that. Everyone starts somewhere. I just happen to be starting at 1/10 the weight of a 2013 Kia Rio. Or the same weight as a 2013 Hoveround Teknique XHD front-wheel drive power chair, including the batteries.

Double Crap.

Well, if I don't want to end up having to buy the Hoveround (because my knees are starting to fail under all this weight), I better get to work.

MONDAY, JANUARY 6th

Breakfast: Blueberry & spinach smoothie (Meh. Blueberries were freezer-burned. Not good.)

Lunch: Lean Cuisine Santa Fe Beans & Rice (Shut up! I happen to love this!)

Dinner: Baked chicken with corn & potatoes

Snacks: Trail mix (It's almonds, sunflower seeds, and dried cranberries.)

I'm introducing green smoothies to my diet! I use my new Ninja (Hi-ya!) Professional Master Prep blender to make them.(The Hi-ya! is for Drew. Every time I say Ninja, he says Hi-ya! He even gives his best dork Ninja pose. Seriously. Try it. Walk up to him and ask, "How's that Ninja blender working?" He will likely strike a pose.)

I also gave up coffee today. At least at work. I might have a cup at home on the weekends. I was overdoing it massively on the job. There's something about unlimited access to caffeine and a 32-ounce plastic reusable cup that leads to danger. It's no surprise that I had a severe headache all day and night.

TUESDAY, JANUARY 7th

Breakfast: Orange & carrot smoothie (Not too bad.)

Lunch: Smart Ones Turkey & Mashed Potatoes (Turkey was good. Potatoes were nasty.)

Dinner: Baked chicken and a small handful baked fries

Snacks: Trail mix (I really like this stuff.)

Today's smoothie was good. That Ninja (Hi-ya!) is so easy to clean-up too. As long as you don't try to cut your thumb off. Like I did today! (OW!!!) I don't know how many calories are in human tissue, but I don't think Drew noticed. I wonder how much weight is in a sliver of skin. Which reminds me. I think I'll suggest circumcision to the guys as another weight loss option.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 8th

Breakfast: Peanut butter, chocolate spirulina protein & spinach shake (Sounds gross. Tastes awesome!)

Lunch:Smart Ones Cheesy Potatoes (These potatoes are good! They should put them in all their meals.)

Dinner: Cheese tortellini in a tomato & spinach sauce (I cooked! Surprise!)

Snacks:Trail mix (I make this myself.)

The diet's going well. I realize that frozen meals for lunch aren't exactly "healthy," but I'm not ready to substitute smoothies or juicing for lunch yet. Plus, I've got all these things in my freezer. Not about to just throw them away. That's not fiscally responsible.

THURSDAY, JANUARY 9th

Breakfast:Peanut butter, chocolate spirulina protein & spinach shake (Yes, again. I told you it's good!)

Lunch:Fretta, no toast

Dinner:9 chicken wings w/ bleu cheese

Snacks:Trail mix (Ok, when I say "make," I combine them all into baggies.)

Lunch was at the diner. Drew insisted we had to take Jessica out for lunch today because she's leaving this weekend to go back to Boston. We love Jessica to death, but honestly, he just really wanted diner food. *Sigh* Fighting Drew's love of the diner is a battle I will never win.

Thursday is my "I get to eat whatever I want for dinner" day. It's our Tops Club meeting night, and we get home late. I screamed WINGS PLEASE! I skipped the pizza because the grease and crust can bother me. I've never had an issue with wings. Until tonight...

FRIDAY, JANUARY 10th

Breakfast:Orange & carrot smoothie

Lunch:2 eggs over easy, 2 slices Ezekiel toast w/ almond-coconut

Dinner:Leftover cheese tortellini with yada yada yada

Snacks:Trail mix (Yes, that counts as making it!), Some nastiness

I was up most of the night with acid reflux and stomach cramps. WTF?? The only time I have acid reflux at night is when I'm out doing something that involves a DJ, shots, and my baby brother Countryham. (Drunk names are the best, aren't they?) I know that wasn't the case because all I drank the previous night was water, and I did not wake up with laryngitis, amnesia, or the urge to apologize to my dear, sweet husband (and legally-binding designated driver) for something I might have done. Ugh. Scratch wings off the list of stuff I can tolerate.

I tried a kale juice recipe today for a snack. It didn't sit well with me. I could blame my stomach problems from the night before, but honestly, the stuff smelled and tasted like freshly mowed lawn. I demanded to go home for lunch, where Drew made me some eggs and toast. It settled the situation. Thank God.

On the plus side, my Hamilton Beach Big Mouth Centrifugal Juicer is amazing! Given enough time and the motivation that can only be found when dealing with Blue Shield Empire's Real-Time Eligibility Department, I think I could dispose of an entire human body in it. (I moved you to the top of the list, Jim!)

Meanwhile, my fellow contestants had these helpful websites to offer today:

"Need a new cookbook to kick off your diet plans?" ~ Don P.

I already own "Fifty Shades of Chicken." Hey! It's a best seller! Great recipes and the book parody portions are a riot!

"For those of you that need to be terrified of food in order to stay away from it." ~ Matt N.

I have eaten Batter Blaster. It was fun! And any child who grew up loving Willy Wonka (the "real" Willy Wonka -- Gene Wilder) would totally want edible plates! To this day, I still want eat a tea cup. That was so cool!

SATURDAY, JANUARY 11th

Breakfast: Chocolate cherry smoothie, 1 slice Ezekiel toast w/ almond-coconut butter

Lunch:Spinach salad w/ grilled chicken, goat cheese, walnuts, cranberries (Thank you Lasca's Gift Card!)

Dinner:Goulash

Snacks:Trail mix (I don't see you getting off your arse and doing it!), One glass of dry red wine

Today was all about Drew. He asked for the smoothie, which, despite the title, was very healthy. And damn tasty!! Lunch was compliments of a gift card that was given to him. (Thank you Maggie! XOXOX) And he made dinner. Poor-man's Goulash. Which, he proudly announced, has spinach pasta in it so you get your veggies too. Seriously? Somedays it feels like a battle that will never end. But I love the big lug, and he did cook, so BON APPETIT!

SUNDAY, JANUARY 12th

Breakfast:Vanilla almond chai green smoothie (I rock!!!)

Lunch:Roasted gnocchi, steamed broccoli, almond coffee green smoothie (Still rockin'!!)

Dinner:Slow Cooker Chicken Cacciatore (Ah, frick!)

Snacks:Trail mix (My mother was right about you!!), Last of the red wine

I was doing so good today! Breakfast was amazing. Lunch was superb. Dinner tasted like sucking linguine off Zach Galifianakis' dirt star. (Mom, if you don't get that reference, ask my sister Amy. She'll be glad to explain.) I followed the recipe!! Ugh. Drew ate it. I think just out of sheer hungry and fear. I drank wine instead. One glass. Dammit. I want more.

Note: I spelled Galifianakis correctly the first time without googling it. I think I get a badge for my Facebook page, or something, right?

MONDAY, JANUARY 13th ----WEIGH-IN DAY

With two witnesses by my side, I stepped on the scale... 260.00. 10.50 pounds gone!! And just like that I'm in the lead with a 3.88% loss.

I GOT THIS!!!!

Goals for next week: More smoothies. More exercise. Less blood and human tissue consumption.

Good luck next week, boys! Maybe someday you can grow up so I can play with some real men. I mean, too bad you're not man enough to play with the big girl. Er, dammit! I still suck! I mean...ah, forget it!!

~Steph

* If you want to know more about the smoothie recipes, visit my Smoothies! Pinterest page. I've commented the ones I've tried and noted any changes I made to them.

The Adventures of Butterball: Beyond Blubberdome Is Over!

* The Adventures of Butterball are true stories about my *

* trials and tribulations as a stupid fat girl.  Enjoy! *

It's July 5th, which means the...

Beyond Blubberdome: 

Butterball vs Temporarily Fat Jason 

Weight Loss Challenge eXXXtreme

...is over. And the winner (to no one's surprise) is JASON!!! He had a loss. I don't think I did. I don't actually have the numbers in front of me.

The challenge started off well. I didn't have any great loss at any time, but I was exercising and trying. Eventually due to health issues and just general laziness, we each kind of gave up. That about sums up everyone and everything around here. But hey! We were entertaining for a little while.

I suggested to Jason that perhaps the next challenge should only be two weeks long. He said the winner of that would just need to figure out how to have the best bowel movements. Honestly? It would probably be more entertaining that way too. Admit it! You all like poop jokes!

Anyway, to Jason...

Here's your high five...

The Adventures of Butterball: Stupid, Take Two!

* The Adventures of Butterball are true stories about my *

* trials and tribulations as a stupid fat girl.  Enjoy! *

Hey. Remember me? It's been a while. Almost three weeks since I've done any TapouT XT workout. Almost two weeks since I've kayaked (but that's mostly because of cold, lousy weather). Almost a week since I've eaten a vegetable and only three hours since I've eaten something I shouldn't. And I'm back to publicly announce that I forgive myself...again!...and to declare my renewed interest in getting back into the ring for another fight to get my life back on track. Blah blah blah. Fart jiggle squint.

What happened? What do you think? I came down with a case of idontgiveafuckitis. Symptoms include low self-esteem, lack of enthusiasm and diarrhea. (Although the latter was discovered to be the after-effect of too much coffee. Yay.)

There is some good news. I no longer have an intolerance for wheat, soy, milk and sugar so I can eat almost everything again. The bad news is I CAN EAT ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING AND I WILL!!! I was bitter when I couldn't eat lasagna, but now nothing's keeping me from eating the whole damn pan. Except for maybe that slice I'll give Drew. Maybe two if he rubs my feet later.

In my pursuit of good health, great abs, and a mediocre view from behind I've discovered a lot of things. Some good; some bad. Knowledge is a good thing though...usually.

#1 Blogging about the pursuit of your dreams and goals is highly motivating. Mainly because of the fear of having to publicly admit you failed. There were many, many mornings that I did not want to get up and workout but the thought of having to tell people that I didn't do it got my butt out of bed. And in the beginning a lot of people would check on me daily. I did NOT want to say to them, "Oh, I wussed out." I loved shocking them with my workouts.
    Over time I stopped blogging and posting updates on Facebook. Mostly because I had nothing new to say. I figured if it wasn't funny it wasn't worth posting. But when I think about it people were just as supportive when I was just admitting to a new workout benefit, such as increased energy or being able to climb the stairs without dying on the first landing, as the funny bits. I think the most comments I got were about the gloves photo, and I almost didn't post that because it seemed stupid. But stupid is what I do! So I posted away and the negative ignorant soul-sucking life-draining vampires can kiss my big, fat, hairy ass.

#2  I never realized the true extent of the benefits of my workouts. Yes, I had more energy. Yes, I was happier and more emotionally stable. I just never knew how much until now. I'd been pampering myself for my hard work with home spa treatments and splurging on mega-healthy treats that might cost a little more. But those things weren't just rewards and little "thank you's" to myself, they were part of the reason I was doing so much better. Like the rest, little by little they went to the wayside and it wasn't until I hit bottom again that I noticed how much it meant to me.

#3  Exercise + Water + Sleep = the fucking obvious. Oh, who the hell am I kidding! There's no surprises in any of this. The surprise is that I'm going to try this again. Not again, but pick up where I left it off.

I wish I had something mind-blowing to end with or that I could promise you this will never happen again, but I am human. And stupid. And a chronic life-lesson repeater. And still fat. So, let the next lesson begin.

Why don't you just give up this charade and accept who you are? The only people who say "I'm happy with who I am and if people don't like it they can go to hell" are assholes. Really. Think about it. Everyone can use a little improvement. Right now my mother's thinking I should probably stop swearing. I could. If you are who you are, then you're a dick. Fix yourself and you'll be amazed how much around you gets fixed in the process. If nothing else, it'll flesh out your friends from the negative ignorant soul-sucking life-draining vampires faster than I can down a bowl of ice cream.

Damn. I could really go for a 5-Scoop Reese' Pieces Sundae with Chocolate Almond Chip Ice Cream right now.

Drew! How late is Friendly's open?!

The Adventures of Butterball: The Great Race XXXVI

* The Adventures of Butterball are true stories about my *

* trials and tribulations as a stupid fat girl.  Enjoy! *

This week wasn't a great week for me. My back was hurting so much that I made the decision to put off the workouts, hoping the soreness would heal. It didn't. So not only did I not workout this week but my back is still incredibly sore and my diet went all the heck also. 

I'm not gonna whine about it or make up excuses. The fact was I felt like crap and decided to give it a break. The fact that my doctor told me not to expect to see significant changed for MONTHS, did not help. But she was uber supportive and encouraged me to keep doing it because there are obvious benefits to it.

Oh, and my yearly labwork came back normal. Completely normal. As in, cholesterol was good, thyroid was good, sugar was good. Everything = good. No fat diseases. No not-fat diseases. I'm sure that would come as a huge shock to anyone who's ever seen me. I'm sure they're thinking, "Come on! You at least have to be pre-diabetic." Nope. Not even close. So shove it, racist.

There's not weigh-in for this week, not because I was being lazy, but Thursday night I went out with my co-workers to Spaghetti Warehouse for the Murder Mystery Dinner. It was a lot of fun! So glad we went. But it meant not going to the church for my weekly meeting and missing out on getting weighed in. I'll weigh-in next week.

But not to worry. I'll be back on it next week, repeating the week I partially skipped. No big deal.

Meanwhile, it's time to do something stupid. Like...join a Great Race team. 

Some of you might remember that I kayaked in Great Race XXXIII. The other members of my team were Drew on bike and Jason was our runner. This year is Great Race XXXVI and Kate will be on bike and Jason again will be the runner. We're very excited about it. I won't reveal our team name yet as it does require the cartoon logo for full appreciation and we've yet to create it.

This morning Drew took the new CRV to Honda to have a roof rack installed. Then we hooked up the new kayak racks I got on good sale at Amazon. And Tada!!! Two kayaks to go. Mine still has my Great Race XXXIII stickers on it!

We went out today about noon. The weather was near perfect for kayaking. The sun was out and there was a slight breeze. There was only one other person on the lake and that was a woman who admitted she'd just dragged her kayak out from under the deck to give it a test run.

We did 2 miles in 35 minutes. When I did the race in 2010, it took me 44 minutes. It's worth pointing out that it was an extremely windy day on the lake that year, creating choppy waters. So bad that they cut the long course of four miles down to two. I actually finished 310 out of 389. Not bad for a drowning fat chick. Last year, 310th place finished in 37 minutes. That's just shows how awful the water was in 2010. Most racers said it was the worst weather they'd ever competed in.

I think 35 minutes is a good start. By the time we were done, my shoulders were a bit sore but my arms and core were doing great. I even stopped once to let Drew catch up. Yes, Drew was dying out there. (I've got a big frickin' grin right now.) My goal is to get under 30 minutes. That should put me in the middle of the pack.

So I guess the workouts really do make all the difference in the world. Hoping to go out tomorrow kayaking as well, then a little bit of jogging on the treadmill. Monday morning more jogging. Monday night is yoga class. Then Tuesday I'm back into TapouT XT with kayaking after work, weather permitting. And so on and so forth. Gotta get back into shape. I part of a team now and I don't want to let anyone down. Especially myself.

The Adventures of Butterball: Beyond Blubberdome Week 4

* The Adventures of Butterball are true stories about my *

* trials and tribulations as a stupid fat girl.  Enjoy! *

I don't have anything too interesting to say about the diet and exercise this week. Drew tried to poison me. That's about it. 

Actually, I have no idea what upset my stomach, but something did. Monday night and most of Tuesday I was a hurtin' mess. I blamed Drew's cooking, but I don't really know what it was. My stomach's tempermental now so it would have been anything. I haven't eaten anything on the "naughty" list, but it doesn't always mean my stomach likes me still.

Anyhoo, I tried to exercise Tuesday morning despite the pain. I had to pause it a couple times because of nausea. Finally with 35 minutes done of the 50 minutes workout I had to stop completely. I was very dizzy and sick again.

I ended up missing Wednesday morning's exercises because of lingering pain. I was better by Wednesday night but missed Thursday's workout just because I slept through it. I figured it would happen at some point. I'd spent 40+ years hitting the snooze button and it was bound to happen at least one morning without me remembering. 

Even though it wasn't a "perfect" workout week, I'm happy with the outcome. Finally, after 4+ weeks of strenuous workouts...

5.75 POUNDS LOST!!!

IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME!!!

I'm comin' for ya, you big ugly ape!!  HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

The Adventures of Butterball: Beyond Blubberdome Week 2

* The Adventures of Butterball are true stories about my *

* trials and tribulations as a stupid fat girl.  Enjoy! *

I had a 1.25 pound loss this week. I should be happy about this. As everyone says, "Hey! It's a loss! Any loss is a good loss!" This is true, but when you've worked as hard as I have it's still a little disappointing. I'm morbidly obese (a term that makes my morbidly obese stomach churn). You'd think that I would be dropping pounds in the beginning like Paula Dean drops butter into something baked with a lot of butter. (I don't know. I don't bake.) 

I know what the experts all say. It takes a few weeks for the muscle to start burning that fat. And I'd already gone through my initial "water loss" stage months ago when I started eating healthy, so I don't even have that perk this time around. Still, it kinda sucks.

But! I'm not quitting. There have been so many other perks to this exercising thing (if you missed it, see here) that I'm not giving up. I know the long-term benefits will be coming. That's why it's called "long-term." (Genius!)

I have to give Jason congrats on doing so well, even if he wasn't really trying. But he's still a bastard.

Enjoy the lead while you can, Temporarily Fat Purple Disney-Copyrighted Octopus Creature-Thingie!! My fantasy boyfriend Prince Eric is gonna kick your ass! You'll know him by the white shirt, blue pants and red belt that he ALWAYS wears. I mean, seriously? Can't switch it up with maybe a tight black T and khaki's once in a while? At least he's not Prince Charming and wears red pants. Soooo embarassing. Poor Cinderella. Anyway, bite me, calamari witch.

P.S. Yeah, I'm not planning to win any photoshop awards either.

The Adventures of Butterball: Tapout Week 3 Review

* The Adventures of Butterball are true stories about my *

* trials and tribulations as a stupid fat girl.  Enjoy! *

TAPOUT XT WEEK 3 REVIEW

Week 3 has been a fantastic workout week. Despite the issue with the sneakers (see HERE for those details).

THE PROS
1.  I'm not winded walking up the stairs at work. In fact, I bound up them at a pretty healthy pace now. Especially since I'm not so sore that I wince with each step.

2.  My girlie push-ups have improved massively! I can do more of them as well.

3.  I can use the resistance band during all of the workouts. I don't always do the moves as quickly as they do, but I do them and I try harder than hell to never give up.

4.  Working out in my bare feet has proven to be interesting. Most of the time it's better. A couple of the moves had my toes screaming, but since everything else on my body has witched & bitched during these workouts why should the toes miss out on the fun! 

      I honestly prefer not having to fart around putting on socks and shoes in the early morning. Even after my ankles heal I don't think I'm going to be reaching for the sneakers when I workout. Aha! I guess sometimes stupidity can lead to something good. Next time the Universe wants to give me a tip though I wish it would just send me an email or text. Not all lessons have to be that painful. Jeez.

THE CONS
1.  I still hate getting up at 5:30 am. I don't have the same energy during my workouts as I do on the weekends when I can get up, eat, digest, putz around, then go do a killer workout. I actually like doing the workouts on the weekends. I don't have that kind of love at 5:30 in the morning.
2.  There is no #2. Only one negative thing this week. Sweet!

THE ADVENTURE CONTINUES --> COMING SOON!

The Adventures of Butterball: This Time Stupid Wasn't My Fault!

* The Adventures of Butterball are true stories about my *

* trials and tribulations as a stupid fat girl.  Enjoy! *

If you've been keeping track, great.  If not, here's the summary:

1. So far I've completed two weeks of TapouT XT workouts. I decided to adjust the workout schedule this week so certain workouts and the rest day will fall on better days in my schedule.  Week 3 will begin this Tuesday.
2. I've not seen any tremendous change in my body statistics, but my energy levels have been through the roof!
3. Jason proposed a "friendly" weight loss challenge. I stupidly said, "Yeah, why not?"
4. Weigh-in #1. Thanks to a bowel movement the size of Kelly's preemie twins (combined!), Temporarily Fat Jason is leading Butterball 4.8 pounds to 2.5. Abuse has been dealt and taken, though not very gracefully. It wasn't even 48 hours before comments deteriorated to immature levels that included potty-humor and unflattering sex jokes. Just the kind of things you'd expect from us. Pam was officially disgusted a long time ago.
5. I ruined my feet.
6. I'm having a craving for lasagna and a loaf of garlic bread. I won't eat it because it will likely kill me, or at least feel that way. But I want it. I sense I will be doing something as dramatically bad for my health that won't involve wheat, soy, milk, or sugar. Like a couple dozen chicken wings. Or a bunless burger with a pound of bacon on top.
7. Oh, didn't I tell you about #5? Let me tell you about #5.

It was a beautiful Saturday morning. The kind of Saturday that after the long, dark, cold month of March you don't care if it's only 40 degrees outside, the sun is shining and you're not wearing a coat, dammit! The kind of bright, sunny day that leads one to think, "Let's drive to Onondaga Lake Park and briskly walk the five mile circuit!"  "Yes! Let's do that!"

One forty minute drive later...

0.00 mile starting point...

"Ah, what a beautiful day! It's a little nippy out."
"You'll warm up soon."
"Sure. Wow, that breeze does whip up off that lake, doesn't it? Probably should have brought a hoodie, or something. Nevermind! We'll just enjoy nature in all her glory! Breathe in! Breathe out!"

0.50 miles later...

"Yep. Shoulda brought a coat." *sniff sniff* And tissues."

1.00 miles later...

"How's your knee? Bothering you?"
"A little."
"Yeah, me too. Not bad enough to turn around though. We'll walk it off. It'll be fine."
"Sure."

1.50 miles later...

"It's not fine. Let's turn around." *sniff sniff* "Give me your sleeve Drew."
"Uh, no."
"Ok."

2.00 miles later...

Limp...limp...limp. 
"Ow."
"You ok Steph?"
"My shoes are riding my heels. Starting to hurt. This sucks."

2.50 miles later...

"Oh my God! What the hell?! I wear these sneakers all the time! I workout in them! I wear them to work sometimes! They've never bothered me!"
I proceeded to walk as carefully as I can without moving the sneakers. I look like I was born with some kind of degenerative disease in my legs.
I debated taking my shoes off but didn't really want to risk getting some kind of dog-piss virus. 
Then I debated making Drew carry me to the car but I seriously doubt that even Ronon-Conan-Dronon-or-whatever-the-hell-his-name-was-in-Game-of-Thronon would be able to carry a 250 pound woman a half mile much less my husband. Not that he wouldn't try.

3.00 miles later...

Crying now.
"What the bleep is wrong with the Universe?! What did I ever do to it?! All I want to do is exercise and get healthy! It can't just give me one bleeping break, can it?! Look at this Drew! LOOK AT THIS!"
I pulled down the back of my sock to show him the skin that was already peeling away from the bloody blister on the back of my ankle.
"Wow! You know you didn't have to show me."
"I didn't want you to think I was just a whiner."
"I believed you! We need to get you some bandaids or something."
*sniff sniff* "Just give me the tissues."
"How are your calves?"
"Fine."
"Well, that's good, right?"
"Yeah, that's just God-bleep bleeping incredible."

So, Team Butterball is a hurtin' camper today. I was going to try the Power 90 Fat Burning Express and decided to work on my book and feel sorry for myself instead. Because that's proven to work so well in the past! Ha! The only shoes I can wear are my slippers. Oh, my co-workers are gonna love that. Looks like flip-flop season's come early this year.

Bleep.

Can I get this beer-battered and deep fried with a side of bacon and mayo? 

Thanks.

The Adventures of Butterball: Tapout W2,D6

* The Adventures of Butterball are true stories about my *

* trials and tribulations as a stupid fat girl.  Enjoy! *

Week Two ends with a new workout. Let's see how our heroine did.

TAPOUT XT WEEK 2, DAY 6

Pre-workout mood: I really hate getting up in the morning. But I have to do this.

Day 13 is Cardo XT + Ultimate Abs

HIGHLIGHTS FROM CARDIO XT + ULTIMATE ABS

46:20 Warm up. The setting is different. They're in a gym. At least it might be a gym. It looks a little photoshopped. Or maybe it's just the "To Quit Does Not Exist" sign in the back of the room that's been photoshopped in. Actually the sign looks real from different camera angles. Everything looks real from different camera angles. But straight on it looks phoney.
   And what's up with Mike's hair? He combed it flat. I can't decide if it's dorky or sexy. Kinda cute actually. Definitely not photoshopped.
   He's only got three people with him today --- Monet, Susan & Mary. My fave three. Well, plus Sam. He's a fave too. At least his abs are. But he's not working out today.
   Wait a minute, they're in their bare feet. Crap. Remove the shoes quick!
   Warm up's almost done now. I've discovered I have no coordination today. I don't have a lot normally, but today I have none. I got confused by jumping rope. Hope we don't do that much.
   My left leg is wicked sore today. It's not pain. It's very, very sore. Being very careful to keep my form.
31:00 Rope and sprawl. Wow. I can sprawl today. I wouldn't have even attempted to throw myself on the floor like that last week. I'm not great at it and not very fast, but I can do it. I can even do it without stopping.
26:30 Burpee. Oh this is a monster move. It involves gettin' down, gettin' up, kneeing the crap out of things. I want to quit so bad, but I just envision kneeing TFJ in the groin and surprisingly I have the energy to continue.
Mike: "These people love me but I bet you're hating me at home!"
Me: "I don't hate you but if we were a relationship on Facebook it would definitely be complicated right now."
KILLER MOVE! K-90. High knees + One-armed mountain climbers + Obliques. I have to do two-armed mountain climbers, but I did it.

TODAY'S STATUS

The cardio was awesome! I have never sweat so much in my life! That workout's a keeper! The pain in my knee worked itself out during the workout, which is good. 

TOMORROW'S GOAL

Rest Day! I honestly can't wait for the Rest Day to be on Monday. For two weeks now I've gotten up on Thursday morning and thought, "Last workout of the week!" My brain automatically assumes it's also Friday. But it's not. I still have another day of work. And that sucks more than working out. A lot more!

THE ADVENTURE CONTINUES --> WEEK 3 REVIEW

The Adventures of Butterball: Beyond Blubberdome, or I Haven't Done Anything Stupid In A While, So...

* The Adventures of Butterball are true stories about my *

* trials and tribulations as a stupid fat girl.  Enjoy! *

Yesterday my co-worker, friend and fellow fatty Jason emailed me. 

Fancy a friendly weight loss contest?

Ok, those weren't the exact words but it's close enough.

Jason is a very competitive person. He's a very fair person. He's sharp-minded with an even sharper tongue.  He can be very witty and even downright ruthless with his comedic remarks. He's proven in the past that he can very effectively lose weight too. This would be a mental and physical challenge in which he would take no prisoners.

STUPID ALERT!!

I don't like challenges. I'm not a competitive person. I play trivia for fun. I don't keep score. My parents forced me to play summer softball when I was young because it got me out of the house. I would get physically ill before games just thinking about it. But I do enjoy a little friendly battle. Especially one that will keep me motivated to exercise, so...

Sure! Why not?

And thus was born...

Beyond Blubberdome: 

Butterball vs Temporarily Fat Jason 

Weight Loss Challenge eXXXtreme

This is a serious challenge being performed by two people who take not being serious very seriously. (Yeah, I think I got that right.) Jason's going to trash talk me and I'm going to say things like, "Kiss my fat ass, jerkface! I mean, not literally. That's gross. You know what I mean!" I don't do trash talk very well. I have no hope of reigning supreme there. The best I can do is to be annoying as all hell. If I'm lucky it might come off as moderately humorous.

So, let the game begin.

You are so going down TFJ! I mean, not literally. That's gross. You know what I mean!

Yep. Now you know why there's a triple-X in the title. It's not just my shirt size and a so-so Vin Diesel action flick. It's pretty much where all conversations lead to. Even the ones I have with myself. Conversations, that is. I mean...oh nevermind.

For details about the challenge and to see the "lovely" challenge photos he stole and photoshopped artistically created, see Jason's blog.

The Adventures of Butterball: Mid-Week 2 Evaluation

* The Adventures of Butterball are true stories about my *

* trials and tribulations as a stupid fat girl.  Enjoy! *

TAPOUT XT MID-WEEK 2 RE-EVALUATION

Week 2 has bee an interesting mix of dramatic highs and lows so far. The first two days showed massive improvement. The third & fourth days showed that my laziness and miserableness weren't completely out of my system. I worked out but not with as much energy or excitement. Causes included lack of sleep, a hyperextended knee and too much yoga. (Too much? Yes. Keep reading.)

I had a big issue with Yoga XT this moring. I do yoga on Monday nights with my beautiful, brilliant yogini and friend Theresa. She has helped me in so many ways. When I have aches and pains she instructs me how to fix it. She's been so instrumental in giving me tips that have helped me continue working out. Plus she gives me hugs. Hugs like my mommy would. I miss those hugs. Not everyone can do that. It's a gift. So, I'm not giving up my Monday night yoga class. But getting up and doing Yoga XT on Tuesday mornings kinda sucks. It's just too much yoga in too little time.

What do I do? Skip Yoga XT since I'm already doing yoga less than 12 hours before that? Swap Yoga XT with another workout later in the week? I like Yoga XT. Just not on Tuesday mornings. And it's going to be an issue with me. I'm already starting to resent it.

I've decided it's best to move it. But I don't want to mix up the schedule! I'm sure TapouT designed the schedule for a specific purpose. So I'm moving the entire schedule. Instead of starting my workout week on Saturday, it will start on Tuesday. This makes Monday my rest day, which is good because for whatever reason I cannot sleep on Sunday nights. I could use the extra 1-1/2 hours of sleep that morning. I can do yoga Monday night and be stretched and ready for Tuesday morning. Then Yoga XT will fall on Friday morning. Perfect!

But what about this week? Easy. Finish this week on Thursday, rest day Friday, do a couple of my fave workouts on Saturday and Sunday (Competition Core will be one of them! If not both!), rest day Monday, yoga Monday night, start week three on Tuesday. Easy peasy.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I didn't report this to anyone, but on Day 10 I did my measurements as the TapouT XT chart instructed me to do. The findings didn't help at all. I'd lost 1-1/2 pounds, gained a 1/2 inch on my stomach but apparently lost two inches on my thighs. Really? I had joked at work during week 1 that with my luck I was growing abs under my fat and just getting larger. Well, apparently I am! I've been assured by the workout affionados around me that this is normal and to not freak out. Muscle grows faster than fat goes away, but the muscle will continue to burn fat so it's all good. Blah blah blah. I'm just gonna go eat a damn cake. Hell.

Now why didn't I lose 14 pounds like all the Success Stories on the DVD's? Quite simply, because:

A. I do not have a penis. (Although I'm pretty sure I have more balls than most of the guys I work with.) Let's face it. Guys lose weight quicker and bulk up faster. That's just a fact of nature. So, a morbidly obese woman trying to compare herself to a dude with a beer-gut is a stupid thing to do.

And the other reason is:

B. I'm not following the nutrition plan. I don't have to. I follow the eating guide setup for me by my nutritionist because I'm wheat/soy/milk/sugar intolerant. I'm sure my plan is probably very close to the TapouT XT nutrition guide. Lots of protein and veggies; low on carb. The people in the Success Stories weren't eating this way to begin with so their bodies had a bunch of "junk food" to dispense of immediately when they started eating healthy. That's gotta be it, right? Honestly, that's what mine did. When I learned of my food allergies and started eating right I dropped weight quick. But then the loss leveled out and I had to turn to exercise to lose additional weight. And here I am!

Still, I expected something a little better. I probably shouldn't get my hopes up after only ten days. It's not like there hasn't been improvement. I've had so much more energy! I'm almost starting to "pop" during the workouts. Almost!

So, I'm not going to let this get me down. I'm kind of excited to see what improvements we'll see in Week 3.  

Thanks for following and supporting Team Butterball!

THE ADVENTURE CONTINUES --> WEEK 2, DAY 6

The Adventures of Butterball: Tapout W2,D2

* The Adventures of Butterball are true stories about my *

* trials and tribulations as a stupid fat girl.  Enjoy! *

Soooo, how we doin'?

TAPOUT XT WEEK 2, DAY 2

Pre-workout mood:  It's Sunday morning. I'm awake and ready to go. I'm a little nervous. I don't remember this workout and I didn't go back and review. Apparently it's my Easter surprise!

Day 9 is Strength & Force Upper + Ultimate Abs

Been there, done that. How will we do compared to the last time?

SUMMARY FROM STRENGTH & FORCE UPPER + ULTIMATE ABS

I won't bother going through the highlights because I've done that. Also, I have nothing to highlight. I didn't swear. I didn't scream or shout. I did have a few moment when I grunted "Don't quit!" to myself. I did every move. I modified where needed and only if needed. I pushed myself. Not to sound cliche, but...I felt the burn.

Here's the amazing part --- and it didn't occur to me until halfway through the workout --- I got up. I got down. I got up. I got down. I didn't strain, complain or stress about it. It didn't take me half the next exercise to do it. I was up and ready to go when Mike was. Unbelievable. A week ago I was struggling just to sit up. I can not pop up. (Kinda.)

This may not seem like a big deal to some people. Those people wouldn't know me. I'm easily a hundred pounds overweight. Getting up from a chair is a workout for me. No. Getting up from a chair was a workout for me. I do it now without hesitation or thought. In fact yesterday afternoon I was going to sit at my desk and work on some writing. I couldn't do it! I just had to get up and do something. I cleaned the kitchen, living room and organized the cardmaking room. I made over a dozen cards and cleaned out the filing cabinet upstairs. I shredded a supersize garbage bag of old papers we don't need anymore. I'd have shredded more but the shredder overheated and shut down. I was on the go! I even debated doing another workout just because I had so much energy. That's unheard of for me.

And that's not the end of it. I stood at my desk at work more last week than since I got the adjustable standing desk. It felt good to stand. I spent most of Thursday and Friday running around helping people with computer issues. I didn't even complain. I enjoyed it! (Ok, I might have complained about the co-worker, but not the running around part.)

The only exercise I couldn't do was the Killer Move at the end of Ultimate Abs. It requires rolling over. I did two of them and my hips hurt badly. They aren't ready to be rolled on just yet. Of course, as fate would have it Drew was coming downstairs at that precise moment. He took one look at me sprawled out on the mat and said, "Aren't you supposed to be doing that video?" Really? This from a guy that's hobbling around because he fell on his knee yesterday. "I think I need an x-ray and some PT." His sympathetic wife said, "You can move it. You're fine."

TODAY'S STATUS

Now that was a pleasant surprise! Huh. *squee*

TOMORROW'S GOAL

Tomorrow is Plyo XT. It's the undisputed hardest TapouT XT workout. I'll try to remain positive about it. Maybe I'll do much better the second time around than the first. Maybe I'll kick its ass. Maybe I'll sprout wings and fly to Jamaica. Hey, anything's possible. (Well, maybe not anything.)

THE ADVENTURE CONTINUES --> MID-WEEK 2 EVALUATION

The Adventures of Butterball: Tapout W2,D1

* The Adventures of Butterball are true stories about my *

* trials and tribulations as a stupid fat girl.  Enjoy! *

It's the first day of the second week. Our heroine is psyched. Let's see how long this lasts...

TAPOUT XT WEEK 2, DAY 1

Pre-workout mood: It's Saturday! I slept in an extra hour! I'm feelin' great! Let's get this started!!

Day 1 is Competition Core.

Competition Core? I changed my mind. Can I go back to bed?

HIGHLIGHTS FROM COMPETITION CORE

47:15 Warm up. The fact that Mike's starting out without his shirt on is not encouraging. I don't think he's doing it for the eye candy factor. I think this is a sign that this is going to be intense. Well, he can just bring it! I am ready! (Right? Ha ha?)
44:15 Lumberjack. This requires the band. Again, it's my first time doing this workout and I'm foregoing the bands. To be honest, I don't have a band to do this one. Mine are too tight. I'll get two done and then my arms are going to collapse. Better to do the move and keep up my pace today.
40:00 Plank knee strikes. OMG! I can plank today! Wow! I can feel that too. Whoa! Holy crap I'm doing this! Holy crap this is gonna hurt later!
37:00 I love low level lunges. I can totally wreck these! And the big guy in the back row just took a break! Ha! I'm not breakin' you ape! Get back in it!
32:25 Mountain climbers. These babies hurt! It's like jogging from a plank position. Doin' my best.
31:25 Prison squat. This is a crazy cardio move. I have no idea why it's called prison squat. If Mike said I didn't hear it because the sound of my own breath is overpowering the TV. But it's a controlled breath. Something I learned from when I ran. (Yes, believe it or not there was a time I was a runner.) Deep breaths. Don't wanna start hyperventilating.
30:00 Snow angels. Lay straight out on the floor, arms overhead, then crunch in like you're making a snow angel, but your shoulders and legs come off the floor. AAAAAHHHH!!!! These are killer!! OMG! I can feel my abs crunching! OMG! I HAVE ABS! And they're not just crunching in pain; they are working!
28:30 Push-ups with side planks and power jacks. Well, I did about two to their dozen. This is the first day I've been able to do a side plank. I had to heavily modify it, but I did it. I couldn't do those last week.
24:50 Orlie hop. This is the first exercise today that I absolutely cannot do. It requires a move I can't describe properly in words, but I can't do it because my stomach is too big and I'll hit my head on the floor. When my arms are stronger, maybe. Not worried about it though. Last week I couldn't side plank. Maybe I'll Orlie hop next week.
23:25 Warrior push-up. It takes my favorite yoga move Warrior One and turns it into a push-up. Again, I did about two. Amazed I got two. I'm not a big fan of falling on the floor and popping back up.
19:55 Lunge bounce. I think the house just shifted off the foundation. Haha! Half the class just took a break. I'm not breaking! I like lunges. I do not want to know why those muscles on me rock. Haha! Sam just gave Mike a dirty look. It was kinda sexy. Water break!
17:55 Mountain climbers on our forearms. I cannot hold a plank position on my elbows. This is the most painful position I've tried to accomplish yet. It focuses on my lower abs. I spent the entire time just trying to stay up. Wow. That's intense.
14:25 Side burpee punch. Well, I'm impressed. It took almost 33 minutes for me to swear at Mike.
11:42 Bridge push kicks. Still swearing.
10:40 Ab bicycle reach. AAAAHHHH!!!! Come on abs! Don't stop now!
07:15 Plank hip rotator. Well, I'll try it. Plank, reach leg threw, switch. Ow. No seriously. What did I just pull in my leg. I think I'll just pass on these for now. I'll just try to stand up. I'm slowin' down big time now. Just a little more to go!
KILLER MOVE! Queen Bee. It's a lunge move! Yes! I got it! Don't pull on the neck! Tighten the core! Add the junk! Keep it up! Uh, what? Add the junk? Did he say add the junk? It was probably trunk, but he is a dude, so it could be junk. That's hilarious. Add the junk, byotch!
03:00 Cool down. This feels good today. Real good.

TODAY'S STATUS

This was a FANTASTIC workout! I loved it! It had just the right amount of stand up-get down for me. It had lunges and punches and planks. I am truly amazed at how much I could do today. When I got done I cried. Honest-to-goodness tears on my cheeks. People wouldn't think of me as a sentimental person, and for the most part I'm not, but I can be quite emotional when it comes to myself. Especially when I've accomplished something. It's a rare thing in my life. I cried after completing the Great Race; I cried when my first book was done; I cried this morning. I love it when I surprise myself. I should really make an effort more often. I probably could have cured cancer or found the douchebag gene by now. (You know there is one, right?)

TOMORROW'S GOAL

Tomorrow is Strength & Force Upper + Ultimate Abs. This is the first of the workout videos that will be a repeat. Unless something truly amazing happens, most likely I will not blog about it. Just once in a while with an update. Maybe start a little gadget on the right-hand side there with some stats. Maybe...

THE ADVENTURE CONTINUES --> WEEK 2, DAY 2