A Page From My Brain: Drivers

Drew and I went to Myrtle Beach a couple weeks ago with his family. We had a FANTASTIC time! It was so nice to travel with people I didn't want to kill. (I'm a loud introvert. I like my solitude and I'm quite vocal about it.)

Someday I might write about that trip, but while traveling back home with the hubby and my wonderfully patient mother-in-law, I was engulfed with an overwhelming urge to write a post about other drivers on the road. Probably because we were traveling at 65+ MPH and I couldn't get out of the car and physically strangle them. I'm hampered by the laws of physics, gravity, and my own fat arse.

I made a list of my observations from each State that I've spent enough time in to formulate an opinion of their drivers.

New York – Each NY driver is under the impression that they’re the only good driver in NY and everyone else is an idiot. The only exception is when a NY driver finds themselves out-of-state and happens across another NY driver. They instantly bond over the home state license plate and will say, “Hey! Can you believe how people drive around here? Idiots.” There is one exception…

New Jersey – The only state that scares a NY driver. Crazy as hell, and with good reason. You ever driven on the Garden State Parkway? I have. It’s an amusement park for the NJ driver. I have great respect for NJ drivers and yield the road to them every time. Especially if it’s a big yellow Caddy. You know that car has had a body or two in the trunk at some point in time. I smile, nod, and stay the hell out of their way. Incidentally, this applies to any big yellow Caddy with a Florida plate on it as well. That’s a NJ driver going South for the winter. Get behind them because they will carve a path for you to follow.

Massachusetts – People in MA drive like they’re all transporting pregnant women in labor to the hospital. In the land of the Rotary (aka traffic circle), MA drivers are the closest thing to an F1 driver you will find on the open roads. They stop for nothing and any space is available to them, even if that space is a mere seven foot opening in front of your vehicle. They will cut you off with no notice or remorse. The upside is that you can, and are expected to, do the same thing. It’s encouraged and they hold no ill-will against anyone who does it. It’s a way of life. Horn blowing is an official state language.

     Beep = Cut in front of me, bud. Plenty of room. Go on ahead.

     Beep-beep = Not gonna fit in front of me. Try behind me. I'll squeeze up to make more room.

     Beeeeep = Hello.

    BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP = Welcome to Massachusetts. You should park your car and utilize public transport, such as a taxi or the T. That’s the train, you know. You’ll enjoy your visit more if you do. Have a nice day!

Pennsylvania – I’ve noticed that the skills of PA drivers have improved over the years. They’re kind of slow still, but rarely stay in my way for too long. Unfortunately, it’s still the land of orange cones and construction, so I hate you.

Virginia – WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN THE LEFT LANE??? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW TO DRIVE A CAR??? YOU $%#@*$%!!!!!!!

West Virginia – Lock the doors. Make eye-contact with no one.

North Carolina – I have no complaints about NC drivers. However, whoever is in charge of the highway signs for the State of NC needs to be publicly flogged. We were on an interstate that just up and ended without warning. Apparently we needed to exit somewhere along the way, but there was no sign whatsoever about this. This happened three times. Thankfully, I am the Chekov of our vehicle and I can work Google Maps on my phone better than any five-year-old, or we'd probably still be stuck in NC.

South Carolina – No hurries. No worries. Some of the most polite drivers on the road. Massachusetts on Ritalin.

I realize there are exceptions to every rule. Not everyone in Virginia is a left-lane hogging, slow-arsed, son of a HONNNNNNK. But why take the chance that I might be behind you, flipping you off with my mind so hard I'm about to have a stroke. Just move over. Move the eff over.

Above all, drive safe and enjoy the journey.

~ Steph

Labor Day 2013 on the Niagara Wine Trail

Every Holiday we have off from work during good weather seasons, we like to go to the wineries. This year we traveled around the Cayuga Lake Wine Trail on Saturday with Stacey and her sister Shelly. I have no pictures from that trip. Just a hilarious memory of an 80+ year old woman in the bathroom at Americana saying very loudly to her friend, "My fingers smell like a Cuban!" Thankfully I was already in the stall and on the toilet or I would have peed my pants. 

{{{Incidently, a Cuban is a sandwich on the Americana Cafe menu. I know because I ate a Cuban for lunch too. Tee hee hee hee hee. Still funny.}}}

Instead, I've decided to post about the trip we took last year on Labor Day. Apparently I never did. It was the first time we'd been on this trail, so I took lots of pictures.

DISCLAIMER: Stacey gave me permission to do this. Drew doesn't really have a choice. 

The Niagara Wine Trail

Labor Day 2013

The Winery at Marjim Manor is apparently haunted and was featured on the TV show "Ghost Hunters."

 We didn't see any ghosts, but we did see lots of wine!!!!

Stacey and I insist that Drew make these!!

Haven't tasted a thing yet and already Stacey's smiling. It's going to be a good day!!

The gift shop area had some really REALLY neat items. I wish I'd taken closer pictures. They had stemless wine glasses and a decanter with a Black Widow Spider painted on them. I don't like spiders AT ALL, but it was really cool!

We did the wine & chocolate pairing, which was really neat. Loved this winery and will go back again.

  

The wines here were fantastic, which I hate to admit because the chick pouring the wine was a BLEEP! Completely miserable. Lucky for the winery, the older woman who checked us out was super nice. We talked with her for a while. Her and the excellent wines made up for the cranky witch doing the servings. We would go here again, but would NOT do a tasting with her.

Chateau Niagara Winery

I have no picture of the sign or building because both looked kind of...rednecky. We almost passed on going into the metal barn for a wine tasting. I'm soooooo glad we didn't, because this was one of our favorite stops. This gentlemen (forgot his name!) was hilarious! He gave us the history of the Niagara Wine Trail. We loved the Ala Mode wine and left with a few bottles each! A fantastic place! A definite "must go-to" on future trips.

A very nice winery with lots to look at! I would compare them to Swedish Hill. Or Knapp. Lots of fun wines!!

This was the one we were all waiting for!!!!

Don't be fooled. She loves the paparazzi!

Gust of Sun has a second floor for reading and lounging. We'd read about this on their website and we decided if we lived in the area, we'd probably spend a lot of time up here. There's books to borrow. We could have writer's meetings up here! I think it's a fantastic place!!

This is one of the owner's dogs. They live next door and you can play with them through the fence. Funny little creatures.

Gust of Sun had a huge tent and tables/chairs setup behind the winery. They were planning for a wedding the next day. We asked if we could eat the picnic lunch we've packed back there. They told us definitely. We bought a couple bottles of wine from them and enjoyed a charming lunch. 

And then it rained. 

Nay, it stormed. Bad! Horizontal rain was coming into the tent forcing us to run around looking for dry spots. The owners laughed at us from the safety and dryness of the winery while we huddled in the middle of the tent, laughing our own fool drunk asses off. (Truth be told, Drew was sober. But still laughing.) The storm only lasted a few minutes and created a hilarious fond memory of an awesome winery.

I don't remember this fair lass's name either, but she told us stories about dressing up as a pirate for a winery event. Turns out she was the only adult that dressed up. We promised to return for the event in our pirate regalia too. None of us remembered. Poopy.

Lots and lots of wines!!! All very good. Similar to Americana.

This is...um...let me check the website...Freedom Run?  Drew?! Is this Freedom Run?! Yes, he says it is.

Pretty glass! Very Chihuly-esque.

A sitting area with tables. Drew says I really liked the wines here too. I have to take his word for it.

 

  Dog!!  I think this was at Arrowhead Spring Vineyards. But I'm not sure. I just remember it was a winery with a bunch of weird hippies. Not the staff. Other wine tasters. It was bizarre. Will go there again...because I don't remember anything but the dog. We played frisbee with this dog for about a half hour. I have over fifty pictures of him. Seriously. We loved this dog.

And the last winery (that I have any recollection of) is Leonard Oakes. Here's what I know about it...

Stacey and I were obsessed with his metal decoration over the doorway. We stared at it for a long time. I took three pictures of it. I'm still kind of obsessed with it.

And the other thing...I really really really really liked their wines. I found a Case Club Member card in my purse the next day. To my credit, every single bottle from that case has been amazing. My taste when I'm inebriated is apparently phenomenal.

So, in closing, the Niagara Lake Wine Trail was a blast!!!! We were shocked at the number of wineries they have. Good wineries. There were only a couple that I would never go back to. I haven't mentioned them here because I really don't like to spread negativity on my blog. (Except that little snot at Schulze's. I only mentioned her as a public service announcement to warn other tasters.) But a lot of wine tasting comes down to your own personal taste. What I might not like, you might. I would rather inform, than review.

~ Steph

BANNERS!!!!!

I've been busy lately doing lots of different crafty stuff, and I'm in a sharing mood today. Most of the time I couldn't be bothered to figure out a good way to photograph anything I made (super impatient), so...

WARNING:  BAD PHOTOGRAPHY AHEAD!!!

My co-worker and fellow wine addict Pam threw a combination Bridal Shower / Graduation Party recently. Her eldest son Brian is marrying a lovely, totally Mom-approved girl by the name of Lian in the Fall. Pam's youngest son Kyle recently graduated from Mexico High School. To celebrate, she held one glorious party for them all. 

I love it when Pam asks me for assistance. Her voice gets all quiet and shy, like an innocent fourteen-year-old asking the Senior captain of the football team to borrow his pen in English class. (In this scenario, apparently the captain is incredibly stupid as he's in the same English class as a fourteen-year-old.)

Steph, can you make me some invitations? I only need three! It's just for the out-of-town guests. 

Sure. What do you need?

Can you do one invitation for both a Bridal Shower and a Graduation party?

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh............sure?

I got really lucky. Mexico's colors are orange & black. Brian & Lian's wedding theme is "We really really really REALLY love SU," so their colors are orange & blue. Go 'cuse!

Pam is the mother of three boys. Pam doesn't do party decor. Luckily for her, I do.

Pam, you want banners? I'll make you banners. Baaaaaaaaaanners.

Alright.

Cue the sound of my Silhouette Portrait in overdrive!!!

The end pennants have a graduation cap and diploma on them. 

The middle pennant has the Mexico Tigers logo on it with 2014.

The end pennants have two doves, each holding a ribbon that's shaped into a heart. 

The middle pennant has their wedding date on it.

After making these, I became obsessed with banners.

Julie! Want a banner?!?!?!?!?!

Ok.

Same idea as Kyle's, but with the USCS Wolves logo in the middle. I even made additional letters for Julie to spell out Connor and Abby's names for when they graduate from Union Springs someday. Thanks to this banner, Julie's family can never move. Or drop out of High School.

In addition to the large banner, I made smaller ones for the table decorations.

On one side, USCS. On the other, 2014. Held onto the sticks by white and purple woven ribbon. And yes, someday in the future I'll be swapping out 2014 for a different year. Julie's children are faintly amused that their mother will be reusing these decorations. I am a more than willing accomplice to this deed. The banners really are just that cool.

This isn't what the final centerpieces looked like, but this will give you an idea of their size and what they looked like...

I believe Julie used white & purple painted terra cotta pots for the base. The sparkly stuff is from the Dollar Store, and the stones are mini-marble found in the patio-section of Lowe's.

NEXT!!

I'm having an "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" themed 30th birthday party.

Really Kate? I'll make a banner!!

A wha--???

Only fans of the show would understand this banner, so I'm not going to try and explain it. I'll just come off as weirder and more crazy than I actually am. You can just take Kate's word for it that this was AMAZING!!!!

Now serving #4...

Can I get a banner? It's for the church. We celebrate everyone's graduation at one party every year, so just something simple that we can reuse. Any color you want. I'll pay you for it!

Heck no, Janeen! I haven't charged anyone yet. I'll come up with something for you.

Tada!!!

And finally...

We're having a shower for--

STOP!..............BANNER TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Congratulations on top is my banner, which will be reused. The bottom one I gave to my co-workers Ashley & Ryan, who are getting married...TODAY!!!!! Wow! I would have forgotten! Thank you Banner!!

I think I'm about over the banner-craze. I will still make them for special events, but I don't jump in people's faces and scream YOU NEED A BANNER!!!! Although, I do like Kate's suggestion of a Thunderdome banner for my bathroom at home. 

Hmmm...maybe.

Diana & Kevin's Wedding

Diana & Kevin's Wedding

From the Point-of-View Of Their Underqualified Reception Organizer

On June 6, 2014, two of my best friends, who have been together for 22 years, finally got married. 

After announcing to her co-workers that she and Kevin were finally getting married, the next thing out of Diana's mouth was...

"Of course, you'll do the invitations, right Steph?"

"Of course."

"And the decorations. I'm not good with that stuff."

"I suppose."

"You can be the wedding planner!"

"Huh? Wha???? No! I'll do the invitation and decorate the reception, but that's all!"

Hahahahahahahaha!!!!  It's so funny that I actually thought that.

It's probably best that a woman who would wear a penis tiara in public 

NOT decorate her own wedding reception.

Diana is a vibrant, magnificent lady. If you lost a leg, she'd give you hers. But as a bride? She sucks. Most people are familiar with the Bridezilla. If you don't know who those are, there are at least five shows different TV shows dedicated to these control-freaks-from-hell. 

On the opposite side of the Bride Spectrum from the Bridezilla is Diana. For months, every question I asked her she answered with...

"I don't know. Whatever you want."  

"Sweetheart, I've been married three times. I'm not sure anyone should be leaving their wedding plans up to me."  

"That just makes you more qualified. Besides, you don't have to pick out the groom, just the colors, theme, decorations, table settings, where the food is set up, keeping soda cold, keeping coffee hot..." 

Months of indecision. But there was one thing she was sure about...

"No beer. I'm not paying for anyone to get drunk at my wedding."

"Ok."

"Well, maybe some beer."

"Whatever you want."

"Should I get a keg?"

"Seems a bit extreme for 80 people."

"It's over a hundred now."

"What?! When did that happen?!"

"How many cups do you get from a quarter keg?"

"I have no idea."

"I need a tap too, don't I?"

"I think so...wait a minute...you're a bartender. Don't you know how kegs work?"

"No. Maybe I should get cans."

"AHHHHHH!!!!!"

Two weeks before the wedding...

"Should I get a keg or cans?"

"AHHHHHH!!!!!"

At 8 am on the morning of the wedding, Drew, dear friend Joanie, and I showed up at the firehouse to meet up with the bride and groom. The firehouse lady gave us final instructions for the day and we retrieved Diana's contribution to the reception...a veggie tray, water, and cole slaw.

"Here's the water. We got two cases of water."

"Two cases! You've been talking about the fact that you got the water for an entire year. That's only 48 bottles."

"Do you think we need more?"

"YES!"

"Ok. We'll get more."

"Good. Where's the cole slaw?"

"It's at home. I have to put in another bag and..." I have to admit that at this point I glazed over. The reason didn't matter to me. I just knew the cole slaw wasn't there. "...we'll bring it down later."

"Oh. Ok. Don't forget."

With the hall to ourselves, the three of us set out to setup a reception. There was no budget for the decorating, so using items that had been given to me by various people and the stuff in my craft room, I decided on a super-simple rustic theme.

Tables...a plastic, white tablecloth with a burlap runner and rose petals...a glass vase with mini marble rock in the bottom of it, around the middle is crinkle paper, burlap, and lace with twine leaves and flowers...glass plates...a standing sign with the wedding party on one side and the lyrics to their song "Look At Us" by Vince Gill...a metal tin with markers and pieces of paper for people to write down a wish for the bride and groom.

The Sweetheart Table...for Diana & Kevin to eat at, then we could remove it to make room for more dancing...two champagne glasses decorated with flowers, twine, and gold rings...a votive candle...a paper gazebo made by yours truly, which is quite possibly the cutest thing I have ever made.

The Dessert Table...a "just married" banner in the camo colors of brown, peach, and light green...a card box decorated with a burlap and camo duct tape ribbon and flowers...a cupcake tree with Mr. and Mrs. cupcake toppers for the Bride and Groom, who opted not to have any kind of cake other than the cup variety...cupcakes were created by the wonderful Laurie Evans, who texted me the night before in complete panic because the camo cupcake wrappers weren't behaving properly. I explained it was fine, especially for this wedding reception, and indeed, no one noticed or cared. They were fabu!!!!

At various times during the setup, people would arrive with donations of food. Baked beans. Pasta salad. Gelatin salad. Diana & Kevin's son Josh arrived with more cases of water. More pasta salad. A different kind of gelatin salad. More pasta salad. What the...

"I asked five people to bring pasta salad and three people to bring gelatin salad."

"Diana??? Why???"

"I don't know."

My eye twitched a lot the past couple months leading up to this wedding.

Thankfully, Alicia from F-N-A's Rhythym and Booze in Waterloo where Diana bartends --- nice bar! go visit them! --- arrived with a donation from her and Frank. A bathtub full of beer cans! Full ones, too! I wanted to swim in it.

The Beverage Grotto...complete with coffee, water, soda, wine and beer...the beer was strategically placed across the hall to discourage people from wanting to go play with the firetrucks...people like me.

"But think of the photo op!!"

Joanie texted the beer photo to Kevin. I said to her...

"Ask him where the damn cole slaw is."

Ten minutes later, Diana's son Jim showed up with the cole slaw. 

At noon, we left knowing the room was setup and we were in good shape! 

At 2 pm, Drew and I headed down to Lewis Restaurant to pick up the food Diana had ordered. Roasted chicken, pulled pork, salt potatoes, and homemade rolls. The chicken had just been cooked, so the CRV smelled amazing!!!  I texted Kevin and told him we were running off to Mexico with his food.

As we would find out later, the food tasted even better than it smelled. I was shocked at how good it was. I will remember Lewis in the future if I need food for a big party. The only thing that got missed was extra butter for the salt potatoes. I told whiners they were low cholesterol salt potatoes. (I don't even know if that's true. Don't care. People eating for free shouldn't complain to me. It's bad for their health.)

At 3 pm, my brother-from-another-mother Jeffrey showed up. He made his fabulous ziti in a vodka sauce for the masses. He had offered to stay there while Drew and I went to the wedding. There was a lot of food being kept warm by the ovens in the kitchen.

The wedding was at 5 pm at the gazebo at Hoopes Park. It was a beautiful day. Our co-worker and professional photographer Jason Countryman surprised Diana by showing up to take pictures of the ceremony. It's fun to surprise Diana because it makes her cry happy tears.

I would never cry. Don't believe anything Bonny, Kelly or Lou tell you. I didn't cry.

Diana & her granddaughter Arianna

Kevin & his great-nephew Wyatt

After the ceremony, Drew, Bonny (Jeff's wife whom we picked up along the way) and I raced back to the firehouse. From there it was a whirlwind of insanity. Making sure the food was put out at the right time. Making sure we didn't run out of food. Making sure empty soda bottles were replaced with full ones. Making sure I always had a wine glass in my hand. Making sure we had enough chairs for everyone...

"I might have invited a few extra people."
"A FEW????"

Even though we setup chairs for 120 people...and only 105 were expected...we still had to put up another table with chairs. Thankfully DJ Jane Stebbins had an extra table cloth. Decorations be damned.

Everything went very well. We didn't run out of anything. If we did, no one complained to me, which (as I mentioned previously) was wise. I have to give a huge shout-out to my kitchen helpers --- Drew, Jeff, Kelly & Phil Deacy (Diana's son Matt's mother & father-in-law). Kelly was a ball of energy that couldn't be stopped (and I didn't even try after a while); Phil was hero of the night for hauling away the ten bags of trash that had accumulated that night to an undisclosed location for dumping. TEN! We were all surprised it was that much. Thank the lord that man has a truck with a washable bed in the back of it. Pee-freakin'-u.

By 8:00, my bladder was screaming at me. I hit the bathroom and found I couldn't get off the toilet. I'd been on my feet since 3 pm and my legs had decided that if I was sitting down, we were staying there. Seriously, my legs would not stand up. I debated screaming for Drew, my personal sherpa, to come get me off the toilet. After a minute of laughing at myself, I managed to push my butt off the toilet, wash my hands, and head back out into the reception hall. I found a seat amongst some friends, sat down, and screamed for Drew to bring me more wine. He brought me the bottle.

Shortly after 9:00, it was time to wrap up. Thankfully most of the wedding party and several guests were still there --- and sober enough --- to help with the clean up. It was quick and mostly painless. It would have been better if I hadn't drank that bottle of wine Drew gave me, but I think everyone figured I'd earned it. (I'm not sure how a hangover is a prize for a job well done, but without the numbing affects of the wine I'd probably still be sitting in a chair somewhere screaming for Drew to come get me.)

The months leading up to the wedding were stressful, but that's because I'd never tried to run a reception before. Everything went smoothly, no big bumps or problems. I loved designing and decorating, but never again will I run a reception. I'm too nervous for that. But I'm sooooooo glad I got to do this for my friends. They're two of the best friends you could ask for. And so easy to please...Thank God!!!

If anyone has a need for hundreds of styrofoam cups, or plastic cups, or mismatched plastic wear, or metal warming trays, shoot me a message. Somehow I ended up bringing most of it back home with me.

"Whoa, Di. Why am I taking all this stuff home?"

"You've earned it."

"Where am I going to put all this?"

"You can use it for the next reception you do."

"The next one?!?!?!"

"You did a good job! Everyone's going to want your services now."

"No! No no no no no no no no--"

"I'm going to Myrtle Beach for my honeymoon. Bye."

"AHHHHHH!!!!!"

~ Congratulations Mr. & Mrs. Kevin Daeffler ~