Joanie's Favorite Steph-Story

Several people know this story and some keep asking me when I'll post it.  It's a fave amongst the Steph-fans.  I hadn't really thought about doing it...until this morning when I read my cousin Ashley's post on Facebook.  She recently had a baby and someone mistook her for still being pregnant.  My reply to her would be waaaaaay too long for Facebook, so I thought I'd share this on the blog.  

Throughout the mid-1990's, I worked for MetLife.  I met a lot of people there who are my bestest friends to this day.  Joanie, Bonny, Diana, Ginny, Bev the happy morning harpy who reminds me of that dancing dwarf from Twin Peaks, but only with A LOT more smiling.

Turn this up to 78 and you have Bev.

Auburn (circa 1995) didn't have the State Street Extension.  Instead, that area was known as the State Street Mall.  It was an outdoor, stone-paved park with some sad trees, a few benches, and I think maybe a crude wooden jungle-gym thing.  I could never decide if it was supposed to be an art installation or a pull-up station, like you'd find along the Nature Trail at the college.  Either way it was certainly capable of giving any interloper a week's worth of splinter and a highly-toxic viral infection.

(((I should probably point out that my memory is about as reliable as betting on Anthony Weiner to keep his dick in his pants, so I might be completely wrong about all of that.  For fun's sake, just go with it.)))

During the summer, Connie's Tex Mex had a food cart in the small downtown park, which was on the same block as MetLife.  One day, Joanie and I decided to walk down to get some tacos for lunch.  I don't know who the woman was who worked the cart, but she was uber-friendly and quick to serve. 

Joanie ordered hers first, loading her soft-shell taco up with all kinds of great goodies.  I came next. 

Super-friendly woman:  Do you want any peppers?

Me:  Oh no.  I can't do those.

I patted my stomach, the universal symbol for, "If I eat those, I'll be belching them up all day long." Well, I thought it was the universal symbol for indigestion.  I was wrong.

Super-friendly woman:  I couldn't eat those either when I was pregnant.  How far along are you?

In my peripheral vision, I could see the look of horror on Joanie's face.  This well-meaning woman made the incorrect assumption that I was pregnant.  It's a well-documented fact that I have never been nor ever will be pregnant.  I have no maternal instinct what-so-ever.  I can't stand babies or kids or most adults, for that matter.  There's a reason I refer to children as the "future felons of America."  Not that I particularly expect children outside of our fine nation to be any better.  Yuck.

However, was the lunch-lady's assumption based strictly on the tummy-pat or the fact that I was slightly overweight at the time?  Either way, I didn't have it in me to embarass both her and myself by pointing out that I wasn't knocked-up.  So, I answered the only way I could think of to get out of this situation without one of us having to apologize.

Me:  About... four... months?

Yep!  That was the solution my panicked brain came up with.  I am four months pregnant!

As soon as the words passed over my lips, Joanie took her food, turned away, and walked down the mall in search of a place to sit.  Her body trembled from trying not to burst out laughing.  She looked like a crippled old lady as she walked with her legs clamped tightly together to keep from pissing herself.

The food cart matron continued to tell me all the weird things that happened to her body during her pregnancy.  I nodded and agreed to all of them.  She could have confessed to having cravings for hobo dung and I'd have said, "Amen, sister!"  

Thankfully, there were other patrons to feed, so I got my food soon enough and joined Joanie, who was sitting on a bench, head bent over between her legs, crying tears of laughter.  She couldn't look me in the eye for a solid week.  It's ten years later and there are still days that she'll look at me and start laughing.  I know she's thinking... About four months.

So, the moral of the story is...

1.  The universal gesture for indigestion is to fist-bump your stomach.  Don't pat it.

2.  When someone makes an honest mistake (especially one you might have accidently perpetuated), don't be a jerk about it.  Especially when they're super-friendly and they're preparing your lunch!  

3.  It's better to laugh at yourself than be embarassed.  Twenty years later... we are still laughing. 

~Steph

Postcards From Tennessee

My parents moved to Tennessee when I was 25. As soon as the car was packed and they were gone, I proceeded to tell everyone that they abandoned me at a very early age. Given my sense of humor and the fact that I've never really grown up, most people laughed and agreed at the same time.

Despite the fact that I was sure Tennessee was just a "phase" they were going through, my parents have lived there for 20 years. 

There are perks to having parents who have moved to Tennessee. Especially when your sense of humor comes from your father. The below are the postcards that my father mailed to me as soon as they were settled. Unlike so many other things I've accumulated in my life (craft supplies, movie ticket stubs, husbands), I kept the postcards.

 This is the first in a series of Appalachian Life Cards. Collect them all. Trade them with your friends.

Love, Mom & Dad

P.S. Hi Jeff! Or whoever's carrying C-19.

Incidently, my father had worked at the Auburn Post Office and had a habit of writing notes to the carriers on the mail he sent me. So, if there's a name in here or a reference you don't get, then you're either a total stranger who stumbled on this or it's a coded message for the postman.

Mom could only find 9 cows. She says one is a bull. She never did find the tree.

Love, Mom & Dad

This guy looks an awful lot like the Mayor of Pigeon Forge.

Love, Mom & Dad

My father made another joke about my mother and her family on this postcard.  I'd have made a joke about the tree penis.  Either he missed it or purposely didn't mention it.  Probably the latter, because how could you miss that glorious tree penis!

Mom & I were going to see this movie, but we decided to wait for the video.

Love, Mom & Dad

There is a place for everyone in the Mountain Empire. I enjoyed the license plate and the bottle of Perrier on the bumper. Mom & I have a new standard to shoot for.

Love, Mom & Dad

Go stand on Grover St. someday and watch --- this is the way Larry DiCenza walks when he delivers the mail.

Love, Mom & Dad

If you give us a muffler for Christmas, give it to Mom. 

Mom and I are still arguing about the lamp in this picture. Mom says it's Elvis. I'd swear it is Bill Keough.

Love, Mom & Dad

P.S. This is the last card in the series.

It's too bad.  I loved getting these postcards.  So glad I kept them!  Thanks Daddy!!

~Steph

St Patty's Day Hat

This past St. Patrick's Day, I made and wore a mini-hat!

 

Except for that, March was kind of snowy and boring.

From the Archives: I Have Stitches!!

A friend of mine requested this story.  I don't remember when it happened.  It was about five... six years ago?  It was before I started this blog.  If you've never heard it before...

I HAVE STITCHES!!!

A week ago Friday, I had a dermatology appointment to have a couple moles removed from my back.  They didn't really bother me because I couldn't see them, but Jessica explained that that was exactly why they had to come off.  They were a bit misshapen and I couldn't see them to monitor them.  Whatever.  I trust her, so if she says they have to go, then they have to go. 

I arrive and am almost immediately shown to the Alice in Wonderland room, so name for its twenty-foot ceiling, large cabinetry, and super-huge chair.  I'm a big girl and my ass can engulf most chairs, but this chair was ginormous!  I felt like a little kid sitting on the thing.  A little kid wearing a bright blue dressing gown and Christmas socks. 

Yes, Christmas socks.  Brightly colored socks with Christmas wreaths on the sides.  It's cold at work and I'm tired of freezing!  Plus, I'd forgotten about the appointment that morning so I was dressed like a North Pole reject instead of in my normal too-fat-for-fashion style. 

The assistant Veronica (aka Vern) explains that it's a mole on my lower back and the back of my right thigh.

"Thigh??  But I didn't shave!"

"That's fine." 

Vern is not surprised.  She, along with every other medical professional I've ever seen in my life - my PCP, my gynecologist, my dentist - all know I don't shave my legs (unless it's bikini weather) because my skin is ultra-sensitive.  But honestly, I would have tortured myself for this little procedure.  No one wants to freeze moles off a Sasquatch.

"Ok.  I don't remember her mentioning the thigh.  Then again I don't remember before lunch."

I sat in the gigantic adult high-chair watching Vern prepare the instrument tray.  It looks like she's emptying a fishing tackle box.  I'm still fairly calm at this point. 

Vern leaves to get Jess and I take that opportunity to survey the rest of my clothes.  Specifically the condition of my underoos.

Oh, please God.  Tell me I wore the good ones.  YES!  No unholy stainage! 

Then Jess comes in...

"I didn't shave!"

"That's fine."

"Ok."

She checks out the moles.

"Oh yeah.  This one (on the leg) will only need a couple stitches.  But this one (on the back) might need a few more."

"STITCHES!!!"

I think it's a compliment to my dermatology office that I trust them implicitly.  But sometimes I wish I would pay more attention when they're talking to me and maybe I should ask a question once in a while.  I apparently missed the entire conversation on what was going to happen this day.

"Not freezing?  You guys usually freeze Diana's face off."

"Um, no.  Not for these."

"Well, can't you use lasers?  Hell, my GYN lasered out my entire uterus last October.  Chernobyled those walls right off.  Worked so good I'm thinking about giving tours."

Jess just smiled at me like I was her retarded Aunt from Alabama.  (I get that look a lot.)

"Hop on up." She gestured to the table.

There was no "hopping" going on here. 

"You got a stepladder or something?" I mumbled while lumbering up awkwardly onto the chair which transformed into a kind of leather dining room table.

"Ok.  Time to numb the area.  This will pinch."

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!

I wanted to say.  Instead I just kind of whimpered...

"mommy..."

"Yeah, that actually hurts quite a bit," Jess admitted.

"uh huh..."

"And one more time."

To my amazement, the anesthetic needle in the back was MUCH more painful than the thigh.  I thought it would have been the other way around.  SURPRISE!

As Jess set about the business of carving me up, she’s chatting with Vern about the weekend, various mutual friends, the awful 80’s tunes playing over the PA system.

“Do you like Phil Collins?” Vern asked me.

“uh huh...”

I’m not sure she said Phil Collins.  She could have asked me “Do you like deep fried bunny rabbits?” and I’d have agreed.  I was more concerned about Pinhead back there sewing up the mess she was making.

At one point, Jess has her finger covering the hole she whittled into my back and with her free hand she grabs some kind of tool.  It looks like a soldering iron.

WHAT IN THE HELL IS THAT????

Apparently the look of horror in my eyes did the speaking for me because she quickly explained.

“It’s an electric needle.”

Great.  Excellent.  That didn’t really answer the question I was mentally asking.  So, I would have to verbally speak it.  This required some strength.  When in moments of extreme fear, it helps to summon a great warrior’s spirit.

“Hurts much...does it?” 

I apparently conjured up Yoda.

“Doesn’t hurt at all.  It’s to stop the bleeding.”

WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE DUG A HOLE TO CHINA IN MY BACK!

“Are you touching something metal?” she asked.

My left hand was.  I moved it post-haste to the top of the headrest.

“Don’t electrocute me...” I managed to squeak out.

Jess just laughed.  I still have no idea if that was a joke or not.  Don’t want to know.  She wasn’t lying about the electronic needle though.  Didn’t feel a thing.  I was willing to bet someone's first born she was lying.

When she got done, I had one stitch inside my back and five on top with two on my leg.  Seems like a lot of trauma for just a few stitches, but I’ve never really had stitches before.  I had two or three in my chin when I was in Third Grade and I fell, splitting it wide open.  I don’t really remember the stitches though.  I remember my father, who worked in a mental institution and has seen some disturbing stuff, almost passing out when they started to stitch up his little girl.  He took it way worse than I did.

Back at the dermatologist's office...

The procedure was done and they let me get changed.  Vern assured me Jess' stitchwork was fantastic.  They gave me a sheet with some instructions and a note to come back in 10-14 days.  If there was anything else, I missed it completely.  (Yeah, that’s never gonna change.)

After making my next appointment, I hobbled out to the CRV, slid into the seat and drove home without moving anything except my left hand and my right foot.  It’s a good thing I only live a few blocks from the doctor’s office.

Upon getting home I called Drew at work and promptly told him...

“You need to get a ride home!  I am not getting into the car again!  I don’t know if it was bandages or stitches, but something kept pulling all the way home!  Oh, my God!  This is awful!  I’m dying!  I HAVE STITCHES!”

A bit dramatic, I admit.  I could hear Drew rolling his eyeballs at me thru the phone.  But he got another ride home, where I proceeded to lead him on a tour of the house to pick up all the things I’d dropped since getting home.

“The mail...some spools of ribbon...that box...I HAVE STITCHES!”

I discovered I actually drop a lot of things.  But now I had no way to pick them up.  I couldn’t bend my back or bend my right leg.  I tried to pick up an envelope once without bending.  I almost ended up in a split.  Then Drew would have to pick me up.  He was better off just getting the crap I dropped.  At any given time that weekend there was a good chance you could hear...

“Drew!  Pick this up!  I HAVE STITCHES!”

Drew and I agreed on one thing...The Uterine Chernobyl day surgery went A LOT better than my seven stitches.  After the lady-bits barbecue procedure, I made breakfast and cleaned the kitchen while he napped!  This time it was...

“Drew!  Make me breakfast!  I HAVE STITCHES!”

That’s ok.  He owed me.  And lord how I've made him pay.

February 2015

For being the shortest month of the year, February lasts a really long time. Especially in Auburn, NY, which as of today, has had 119 inches of snow. I say "had" but the *bleep*ing stuff is still on the ground. It hasn't left. The sun yesterday helped to melt some of the *bleep*ing stuff. The heat wave of 22 degrees was nice. (Insert sarcastic grin here.)

For the benefit of those who aren't here to experience the wonders and joy of Central New York in the winter, I present ... WTF!!! A Photographic Display of *Bleep*ing Stuff.

Our sidewalk.

Our neighborhood.

Our drive to work.

The parking lot at our job.

And just for fun, the same parking lot on a sunny day. 

If anyone comments on how pretty it is, I will hunt you down 

and make you eat all this pretty crap.

Ok. Now that my obligatory rant about winter is out of the way, how about some nice stuff that happened this month.

*  *  *  *  *  *

I went to a Tea Party hosted by Syracuse health store Natur-Tyme! It was a lot of fun. I took pictures, but they sucked. So instead, here's a picture of the mini hat I made and wore to the event. They had raffles for people that wore hats. I wasn't a winner, but the hat was well received. 

We had tea sandwiches, which were amazing. The theme this year was India, and the curry chicken with cranberries and grapes was outstanding! I will have to try to make that. They also served delicious desserts and tea, of course. The tea came from Organic India. I'm completely addicted to it now. Loved it!

*  *  *  *  *  *

Drew finished putting the top on Craft Island!

I love it!!! It's the perfect height for me and everything is organized. (Although I still find myself walking about the room in circles looking for items in their previous homes. It makes me laugh.)

*  *  *  *  *  *

I had a Stampin' Up party this month. My girlfriend and Mommy-Away-From-Mommy Laurie let me host the party at her house. She has the perfect setup for the party. My house can fit maybe five people in it. Tops. She's a lifesaver!!

The cards I made for the swap.

The cards we made at the workshop. I love the Etch-A-Sketch card!!!

So easy to make too!!

Here is a card I made last month for Pam's birthday and forgot to share. It's a shadowbox card. The template is by designer Lori Whitlock. You can download it from Silhouette's website HERE.

*  *  *  *  *  *

Tastefully Simple's Spring-Summer 2015 catalog came out! Lots of neat new products. I can't wait to try the Red Bell Pepper Hummus mix they've got. Drew ordered me a box because he knew I'd be wanting that! Love me some Red Pepper Hummus!! 

Drew's putting together his tasting packets for new parties.

I let him rent out space at Craft Island to work on. I gave him a discount.

And now I'd like to take this time to shamelessly plug my hubby's website.

https://www.tastefullysimple.com/web/dscharoun

People that know me are well aware that I am Drew's biggest fan, as well as his harshest critic. I use a lot of the Tastefully Simple products because I do truly like them. Are there some that suck? A couple, yes. But taste buds aren't universal. What I might hate, you might like. For example, I think the Bayou Bourbon Glaze and Vidalia Onion Dressing are totally freakin' rockin', but the Gluten-Free Pizza is nasty. Your own experience may vary.

And because I promised some of the girls at the Stampin' Up party, here's the recipes I made...

Crock Pot Bayou Bourbon Meatballs

1 large package frozen meatballs

1 bottle Tastefully Simple Bayou Bourbon Glaze

- Put meatballs in a crock pot on low. Cook for 3 hours, stirring every hour. Pour one bottle of glaze over meatballs. Cook another 1-2 hours. Devour!

Simple Broccoli Salad

4 heads broccoli florets, chopped into bite-sized pieces

1/4 cup Tastefully Simple Bacon Bacon

1/2 cup raisins

1/2 cup chopped walnuts

1 bottle Tastefully Simple Vidalia Onion Dressing

- Mix, toss, serve. This keeps very well in the fridge for a few days.

I also served the Asiago Alfredo Warm Dip and Raspberry Chocolate Cheeseball, which were knee-quakingly good. Those are Fall-Winter Items that will only be available until March 7, 2015, so if you girls want them, snag them up now!!

*  *  *  *  *  *  

Let's see, what else happened this month... nothing! Well, nothing of interest to you, probably. We went on a wine tour with a bunch of people from work. That was a lot of fun! Again, no pics. We were mostly well-behaved.

I'm sorry to say that second book isn't any closer to being done. I think about it a lot. Does that count? If you think you're tired of waiting for it, just imagine how my characters feel?

Oh, my God, woman! Please just finish that book!

I haven't had sex in almost three years!!!

Sorry Alex.

~Steph

January 2015

Greetings! For my family and friends and whoever happens to find this, I've decided to give a little summary of my month. 

Here's how my year started... WITH A BANNER!!!!

Or more appropriately, a crappy picture of a banner.

New Years Eve was hosted this year at Stacey's house. We gathered early, ate lots of awesome snacky foods, watched Big Fat Quiz of the Year (an annual British panel show that is our most favorite thing!!!) and drank way too much. That's probably why the picture's crappy. I couldn't be bothered to get off the floor to take it. Incidently, that ball of light is a really cool glowing ornament thingie that is utterly unimpressive when photographed.

This year I decided to be in charge of the decorations. And you know we can't have a party without... MINI HATS!!!

No Al G.! The Xmas mini hats were not a holiday phenomena. Mini hats are for every occasion. Mini hats are FOREVER!

The Front...

The Back...

Funny story about this hat. I turned on my hot glue gun and before the first ribbon was attached to hat, the gun overheated and glue came pouring out of the gun. A glob of lava hit my pinky and I tore at it... like you do... pulling off not only the glue, but a layer of skin. Not to be denied my mini hat, I wrapped my pinky in a wet paper towel to keep it cool and continued until two hats were made.  A red one for me and a black one for Stacey. Unfortunately, I forgot to get pictures of the black one.

Ok, that story wasn't really all that funny. Sorry.

While I made the decorations, Stacey supplied the snacks. She is the sweetest friend and makes sure there's all kinds of things I can eat without suffering a nuclear meltdown in my intestines. This was the night I discovered...

GOAT CHEESE SALSA TORTILLAS!!!

You take a scoopable corn tortilla chip, add a drop of goat cheese and salsa to it, eat, repeat a hundred times. I must have had a few dozen of these. I made up little appetizer platters full of these delicious treats, then ate every single one of them. HEAVEN!!!

Oh look! Another banner! And my BFF! Who will kill me for this.

***********

Drew's had quite an interesting January as well. He decided to use his Xmas bonus to purchase an item he'd been dreaming of owning for years.

A telescope that takes up half my living room.

  

Drew has had a love of space-stuff all his life. His infactuation of astrophysicist and Nova overlord Neil deGrasse Tyson is nothing short of stalkerish. The only thing keeping Drew from standing outside the Hayden Planetarium with a boombox playing "In Your Eyes" is boobs. I have them; HRH Tyson does not.  And that's where the bromance dies.

While I may not understand the whole telescope obsession thing, I do support my hubby's hobbies. He's been desperate to take the telescope outside and use it, but there is no way we're standing outside in zero degree weather to look at something I can google. So, we hauled it upstairs to the front room and Drew can look out the skylight instead. It's not as impressive as viewing the Milky Way on a pitch-black country road in the middle of nowhere, but at least he can use his toy now without the threat of frostbite.

I will admit, it was really neat to watch the clouds (or whatever they are) on Jupiter spin. Yes, that huge tube of mirrors and lenses can capture Jupiter close enough that you can watch stuff spinning. Creepy cool.

***********

Sweetpea would like to report that January sucks.

This is how she tells us to turn up the heat. Completely covering a heat register.

***********

Mardi Gras is coming up next month!!! So I made a wreath.

I did not injure myself making this, but Stacey got a huge blister making hers. She's more dangerous with the glue gun than I am!

See Mom! I used the feathers!!!

***********

And finally, we end this month with something Drew and I have talked about doing for quite a while.

We switched the dining room and offices around.

The hoosier (including all my glorious Crockpots), wine rack, beer-making center, and table came out into the former office area.

We put up the lighted wife shelving we used a craft shows and put the beer on it. It's only lit up for the photo. I don't keep it on. So don't freak out. There's no beer in the bottles at the moment anyway. Eventually there will be curtains that wrap around it to keep light out. That room's pretty dark anyway.

Now for the craft room/office...

I loaded up the now vacant wire rack in the craft room with my supplies.

My new office!!

I love it! I've got a cork board over my desk to pin up things I need for the book --- original artwork for the covers, trinkets from my last trip to Boston, articles about other writers, a signed picture of Oded Fehr from The Mummy (super squee!!!), and a note a fan sent that inspires me to keep going (even though I seem to have stopped at the moment).

On the side wall, I have a poster from Rifftrax Live! Godzilla. My most favoritest Rifftrax Live! event ever, and my second most favorite Rifftrax movie. My first favorite is Birdemic.

Drew's desk was moved into the room. Looks cramped, but it's not. He's very happy with it. And no, he's not just saying that because of the boobs-thing. Sweetpea's bed has moved to the top of the freezer. She likes it there because the other cats don't bug her. (I'm pretty sure they haven't found her yet.)

And finally, this thing in the middle of the room. It's not completed yet, but it will be a workstation. A crafting island for card making, mini hat construction, and wreath decorating. It's missing a top, so I haven't filled the bookshelves yet in case we need to move them. I'm still debating what to put on top. A thick laminated slab costs over $200. Probably more. I've decided to review all my options at this point in time.

So, that's January. I won't bore you with resolutions and all that gunk. Mostly because I didn't make any. I've decided to adopt life-mottos instead.

#1  Keep an open mind.

#2  Don't be rude.

#3  If you want it done, get up and do it. 

And number three applies to anything and everything. Dieting. Exercise. Decreasing debt. Moving some rooms in the house. I worked relentlessly from 5:10pm Friday until 9pm Saturday night to get this done. Drew was with me most of the way. I am kick-ass.

#4  Be the Brightest Star in your own Universe.

~Steph

World's Most Boring Review of 2014

All the blogs I subscribe to have posted reviews of the year 2014. Of course, the blogs I subscribe to are far more professional than I will ever be. (Or ever want to be.) I like to think that my writing style is a niche all unto its own. I call it, "Honesty and bleep words that I won't be ashamed of years from now." Because, believe me, there are lots of things I could say (and have said in private) about my fellow (wo)man, but I refrain from doing so on the internet. My decision is because I hate when negativity is spewed unto the masses. I try to find the positive in everything and to keep life light. So I try not to do the same thing here.

Unless it's funny. In comedy, all bets are off. If you find something I say offensive, then chances are you're a dower prude with no sense of humor and you should probably just kill yourself. (Like that --- THAT was funny. So laugh, damn you, laugh as if your life depends on it!!!!!)

In typical Stephanie fashion, here's my (previously unwritten about) year 2014 in review...

Grandma died on February 18, 2014

Not the way you want to start out the new year, but that's life for ya! That photo was taken in May when the ground had softened and she could be buried. Someone suggested I take a picture for my parents, who could not come up for the actual burial. Seemed a bit sick. But I'm glad I did because it's a nice reminder of how beautiful a day it was. Grandma would have been appalled that we'd spent it in a cemetery burying her.

Dorothy Jean Vannais McLean was an amazingly creative individual imbued with a myriad of crazy issues, a number of which I have inherited. I am the brain of an Emerson-Vannais in the body of a Deal. I have been gratefully cursed...

To see a web album full of pics of Grandma over the years, click on the below.

Grandma

Yes - that's me and my Grandmother. 

No - no one in my family likes wearing pants. 

And, again, no - I'm not wearing them even as I type this. Ha. Ha.

Birthday Dinner Trip in Alex Bay

You:  Whoa! Skipping from February to August???
Me:  Yeah. You got a problem with that?
You:  No. I guess not. Lead on.

For my birthday in August, Drew had a surprise for me.

~ A dinner cruise on Alex Bay ~ 

We had a fantastic time! The dinner was okay. The cruise was amazing! A young singer, accompanied by his guitar and a great sound system, sang on the top deck where we sat for the majority of the ride. The view was glorious and the atmosphere relaxing. I highly recommend it to everyone to do once in their life with the person they love. (Yes, I can be that sappy sometimes.)

Just make sure you turn your phone off. The roaming charges to Canada are outrageous. And yes, your phone will at some point think you skipped the country. ;)

Alex Bay Birthday Dinner Cruise 2014

Drew went to get me wine from the bar. 
He came back with the wine version of a Little Hug. 
Honestly, the wine was crap... but the Little Hug was so cute!!!


Scharoun Family Vacation to Myrtle Beach in September 2014

In September, Drew and I booked the company's big condo in Myrtle Beach and invited his family to come on vacation with us. I was nervous as all get-out.

1.  I'm not a cook.
2.  I don't like playing on the beach. (But I love to look at it and hear it.)
3.  I don't like kids...usually.
4.  I have no idea what I'm doing anymore.

My fears were completely unfounded. As it turns out, nobody else cares about any of that either! The first thing my mother-in-law said was, "We're gonna eat out, right? I don't want to cook." I LOVE THIS WOMAN!!! The nephews were a riot without being annoying. (Believe it or not, I like to watch them playing video games. I could watch them play Arkham City for hours! I even help them cheat when they're stuck. I am the cool google Aunt!) And the weather was good enough that the beach-dwellers got to enjoy themselves.

I'm so grateful his family could go with us. Drew and I got to share our company's amazing generosity (and possibly be impressive for once. *wink*). It was so incredibly cool and we have a fantastic time!! You can see the incriminating evidence pictures by clicking on the below.

Myrtle Beach 2014

Brother-in-law Peter, mother-in-law Robyn, and hubby Drew. 
After all these years, she still has to split them up.


Halloween at the Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire

Drew and I had the pleasure of re-visiting the Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire this year. We picked mid-October and we went with the Gilfus sisters! Like us, Stacey and Shelly are Renfest enthusiasts and love a good adventure. This was an adventure not to be missed!!!

We tried Scotch Eggs!!!
    You don't talk about Scotch Egg Club!!! (Inside joke -- sorry.)
We took part in a pirate auction. 
    I bid on and won a sword! Argh!!!
We found a new band we love --- Tartanic. Whose very name makes a certain unnamed party member swoon with delight.
    No! It's not Drew!!

Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire - Oct 2014

Isn't he dashing??? I just adore him in his costume.


Halloween with the Syracuse Crunch

In case I haven't said this before... I hate kids. So, it should come as no surprise that Drew and I have no interest in passing out free candy to the ungrateful future-felons of America. Each year we try to find something else to do. This year we went to see the Syracuse Crunch take on the Rochester Amerks.

Or more accurately, see the Syracuse Crunch get their asses handed to them by the Rochester Amerks. The Crunch lost 3-0.

BUT!!! We did have a great time.

Syracuse fans dress up for Halloween. My fave costume was the blind ref.

And look!!! The Hanson's are still there!!! (If you have no idea what I'm talking about, watch the movie "Slapshot," starring Paul Newman. And furthermore, if you thought I was referring to the band "Hanson," we are no longer friends.)

Another thing that makes a hockey game great??? BEER! Molson's, to be precise. Plus, the Memorial serves Beak & Skiff Hard Cider. Noms all around!!!!


November Wine Trail Trip

My cousins the Ottleys invited us to go on a trip along the wine trail with them and several friends in a limo bus. I, of course, said, "HELL YEAH!!!!!!"

We had sooooooo much fun. I have pictures, but they are all blurry. I wonder why???


Christmas Eve

We end this year pretty much where we began. With deceased grandparents.

On Christmas Eve --- after the office luncheon --- after the gift exchanges --- after everything had quieted down --- Drew and I made a little trek to the Owasco Rural Cemetery to put a little wreath on Grandma and Grandma McLean's grave. Grandma used to do this and I decided it was something I wanted to do.

Afterwards, we went to Sand Hill Cemetery in Dresserville to put a wreath on Grandma and Grandpa Searls headstone. I hadn't told my mother I was doing this for her parents. When I emailed her the picture later that day, it was a surprise that made her cry.

The cemetery isn't nearly as far away as I remember as a kid. I will have to visit much more often.

This may very well be my new Christmas Eve tradition. Go to work. Leave at 11. Go to Springside and celebrate Christmas with my fellow employees by stuffing our faces with cheese souffle. Go to the cemetery and wish my Grandparents a Merry Christmas. Go home and nap until New Years. Swear we'll never eat that much cheese souffle again!

Next year, I think I'll add a trip Christmas Eve Night to Tina and Rob's house to party with the Ottleys. They're crazy as heck and they're my family so they have to accept me! HAHAHAHA!!!

Happy Belated New Years.
Steph