Jeff's Surprise 50th Birthday Party

Remember that time I organized Diana's wedding reception and I said I'd never plan another party again? Yeah. I lied. Because last month we had...

JEFF'S SURPRISE 50TH BIRTHDAY PARTY!!!

Featuring...

Jeff is my "brother." It's in quotes because he is not my brother by blood. "Brother" is a designation given to me by Jeff's wife Bonny. She uses it when he gets in trouble, like some people do their children or pets.  

"Did you hear what your brother did now?"  

"Ut oh. What'd he do?"

Bonny approached me months ago to discuss a party for Jeff's 50th birthday. She had no idea what to do. A wine trail limo trip? Rent the game bus? Do we do dinner or just beer and munchies? And where do we have it??? It was tough to figure this one out. Bonny was not a party planner and all my ideas involved Michael Bay-style explosions and hot male strippers. Clearly there was a middle ground here we were completely missing. Eventually, the idea of a party was dropped as it turned out Jeff and Bonny would be on a two-week vacation during October and he wouldn't even be here for his birthday. A super-long vacation should be a good enough birthday celebration.

Then something we should have expected happened... word got back to us that Jeff was a little forlorn at the prospect of no party for his 50th birthday...

"Stephanie! We have to have a party!"

"I'm on it!"

After I made sure that Bonny didn't mind my taking over the planning ("Please do!"), I contacted Stacey...

"We're having a surprise birthday party for Jeff! It's going to be the weekend before Halloween!"

"Halloween birthday party? I am all over that!"

Bonny wasn't too keen on the Halloween part...

"I'm not wearing a costume."

"You don't have to."

"No costumes."

"Ok! No costumes! Can we at least have sandwiches and junk food that I don't have to tend to so I'm not in the kitchen all night? Like tailgate food?"

"I think you found the theme to your party."

"FOOTBALL TAILGATE PARTY!!!"

"Jeff's a Chargers fan."

"True. Well, this will be the Chargers party he'll never get to have since they'll never win a Super Bowl in his lifetime."

I broke the news to Stacey...

"It's a football party. Specifically, the Chargers."

"They're blue and yellow."

"Apparently."

"Those colors aren't very Halloweeny."

"No. We have to figure something out here."

"To the Pinterests!"

Stacey found the neatest idea for invitations. Game tickets! I created them using paint.net. They weren't nearly as difficult as they looked like they should have been.

Incidentally, I check online and that section/row/seats are supposed to be the best seats to see a game at Qualcomm Stadium where the San Diego Chargers play. I'm strangely anal about things like that. 

Bonny supplied me the invite list. With just his family, her family, super-close friend, and Jeff's department from work, it was way more than she expected. I assured her this would not be a problem. I mailed the tickets along with a note stating that this was a surprise party and Jeff would be lured to the firehouse under the pretense that he would be attending a Tastefully Simple Fall Catalog Dinner being thrown by my hubby Drew. We have done this in the past, so it's not entirely that odd a scenario. Plus, we figured it was the one event that Jeff would never say no to because it's for the-nicest-guy-on-the-planet-that-would-do-anything-for-anyone Drew. I even mailed a TS invite to Bonny and Jeff for the fake dinner party. We had everything covered!

Unlike Diana's reception, in which the food was provided by Lewis Restaurant and some family members, I said I would do the food. How hard could it be? It's just tailgate party food for 80 people.

Oh, very gosh darn hard!!! For one, I'd never cooked for 80 people before. I had no idea how much I needed for anything. You can google it and it'll tell you that you need 1.25 pounds of food per person of this but only 0.75 of that... blah blah blah... totally unhelpful. I decided to make it based on what we had for Diana's reception, which was 125 people. So, we just need 64% of the amount of food. It was nice in theory.

In the end, I bought way too much, I cooked way too much, and my time management (which is usually spot-on) was woefully inadequate. I underestimated how much time it would take to make the food. When Friday night rolled around, I found myself inundated in the kitchen. To make matters worse, my back seized up at one point during the evening. It was a sad sight. A fat woman crying and cooking while trying not to bend over. Beautiful. 

Having gone to bed at 2:30 am, I was a hideous creature the next day. I showered and dressed to go to a TOPS Rally Event I had to be at. I had debated not going, but I'd already paid for it, so I was going. With wet hair and whatever clothes I could find, I rolled into the car. My fellow members were stunned when I arrived. 

"You look awful."

"Come on! Is it that bad?"

"Yes. Probably worse."

I explained to them what I'd done the previous day. They shook their heads at me.

"Didn't you say you'd never do this again?"

"Did I?"

"Yes."

"I love you guys. Can I have a hug?"

I do truly love them. They're awesome. By the end of the Rally, I was a happy, happy camper. My friends made me laugh and I'd been awarded one of the Top Ten Best Losers for Summer. I got a ribbon and a little certificate. I had no idea! Apparently I was less fat after summer than the beginning of it. To be honest, I hadn't paid that much attention.

Afterwards, we went home and our attentions turned back to Jeff's party. Drew and I loaded up the car with all the food. Thankfully, Drew had taken all the decorations, paper goods, coffee fixings, beer, water, soda, and anything else not requiring refrigeration, over to the firehouse the night before where Christie -- amazing co-worker and Fleming Firefighter/EMT -- was cleaning the hall and setting up the tables for the party.

At 4 pm, Christie, Drew, Stacey and myself, all gathered at the firehouse to start prepping. Stacey and I both thought 4 pm should be plenty of time to do this for a 5:45 pm party. In reality, 3 pm would have been better. We worked quickly though and got the decorations up.

We got cheapo tablecloths from the Dollar Tree. I'd used my Silhouette to cut out some footballs, players & cheerleaders, and Chargers lightning bolts. The tin buckets, also from the Dollar Tree, were filled with peanuts. 

In each of the three side windows, we hung the simple banners I made (love that Silhouette!). Stacey and I made the jersey's from cardstock and foam board backing (also Dollar Tree and again... Silhouette cut outs!). They were so cool! I don't have a photo of it, but the guys were taking pictures of themselves while holding the jerseys in front of them.

Stacey made this really awesome scoreboard!! She, too, is a Silhouette fanatic!

Drew borrowed speakers from our friend and local DJ Toby. Interesting fact... his DJ service is called Silhouettes Co. MORE SILHOUETTES!

And here's our audio technician at the controls! Drew, Stacey, and myself created the ultimate Tailgate Party playlist (thank you Google!) 

As the time grew near, people started to arrive and my anxiety returned tenfold! We'd forgotten to start the coffee --- Stacey took that over. The nacho meat wasn't reheating quickly enough --- Christie grabbed a large skillet and went to town. The Velveeta wasn't melting. 

"Are you kidding me??? You have one function in life, Velveeta! To melt!! Why aren't you melting???"

I'd put it in the crockpot plenty early enough, but it wasn't melting nearly as quickly as my sanity. So, I put the crockpot in the microwave. It took ten minutes and it wasn't so much melted as it had turned into molten plastic. Ridiculous.

As the time grew close to 6 pm, and Jeff's arrival, we were all wondering if we pulled this off. Surprising Jeff was not an easy thing. It's hard to hide things from him.

We did it!!!!!!

He was completely surprised! I can't believe we managed to keep this a secret. Bonny even arranged it so he'd wear his Chargers shirt so he'd fit right in.

FOOD

Appetizers: Nacho bar, Popcorn bar (thank you Christie), Cheeseball (thank you Stacey), Dips, Crockpot Chex Mix

Entrees & Sides: Wegmans Sub Platters, Nino's Pizza, Pasta Salad, Hashbrown Casserole, Baked Beans, Fruit Salad (thank you Stacey)

Dessert: Football cake and cupcakes (thank you Cindy)

Beverages: Wine (thank you Bonny)

This was a great party! Just for fun, here's a list of the stuff Stacey and I thought of but decided we couldn't due... for obvious reasons...

1.  A taped-off VIP section including a couch and two barcaloungers. Like they have at the Dome. Or at least did the last time I was there twenty years ago.

2.  A replica of the ESPN Sportscenter desk for amazing guest photo-ops.

3.  Terry Bradshaw to sit at said ESPN Sportscenter desk. (Yeah, I know. He doesn't work for ESPN. I couldn't tell you which anchor does. But Bradshaw looks like he likes a party!)

4.  A copy of the 1981 Chargers vs Dolphins playoff game to play on the large screen TV. The "Epic in Miami" has been hailed as the best NFL game in history. But apparently no one has a copy of it. I tried like heck to get this.

5. Originally, the banners and jerseys would be hung from ceiling. And there would be dozens of them spanning the room. Kind of glad that we couldn't do that.

There's no way I could have pulled it off. As it was, I couldn't have done what we did without so many people's help. And since this is my blog, I'm going to take a moment to thank them.

Stacey - You are the best co-party-planner ever! You kept me sane when I was freaking out!

Christie - Thanks for booking the fire hall and for all the awesomeness you bring with it! I so appreciate it. And huge thank you to the Fleming #2 Firefighters that helped with clean up. I hope you enjoyed the leftovers. ;)

Cindy - The cake and cupcakes were the bomb!! 

Karen - You helped clean up and did the worst task ever... cleaned out the Velveeta crockpot! Yuck! Thank you!!!

Drew - As always, you were a great help. I can always count on you. You can never leave me. XOX

Bonny - Thanks for entrusting this party in me. I appreciate your low-maintenanced attitude to party-going. Makes my job really easy. Of course, if you weren't, I wouldn't have done it. Ha!

Jeff - For once in your life, thank you for being clueless. By the way, do you now know why Bonny needed to buy more wine in Myrtle Beach??? Duh! Haha!

Thank you everyone who came and participated in the secret! 

Until next time... Bahahahaha! What next time? I'm never doing this again... No, I mean it this time... Sure, I know exactly how much food to make now, but it doesn't mean I'll do this again... There's no next time... No.... No... A wha?????... Really??? I don't know. When is Mardi Gras???... 

STACEY!!! TO THE PINTERESTS!!!!

~Steph

P.S. Pam, my offer still stands. If you and Ralph renew your vows, I will throw you a Harry Potter themed reception afterwards. Just think about it. 

A Page From My Brain: Drivers

Drew and I went to Myrtle Beach a couple weeks ago with his family. We had a FANTASTIC time! It was so nice to travel with people I didn't want to kill. (I'm a loud introvert. I like my solitude and I'm quite vocal about it.)

Someday I might write about that trip, but while traveling back home with the hubby and my wonderfully patient mother-in-law, I was engulfed with an overwhelming urge to write a post about other drivers on the road. Probably because we were traveling at 65+ MPH and I couldn't get out of the car and physically strangle them. I'm hampered by the laws of physics, gravity, and my own fat arse.

I made a list of my observations from each State that I've spent enough time in to formulate an opinion of their drivers.

New York – Each NY driver is under the impression that they’re the only good driver in NY and everyone else is an idiot. The only exception is when a NY driver finds themselves out-of-state and happens across another NY driver. They instantly bond over the home state license plate and will say, “Hey! Can you believe how people drive around here? Idiots.” There is one exception…

New Jersey – The only state that scares a NY driver. Crazy as hell, and with good reason. You ever driven on the Garden State Parkway? I have. It’s an amusement park for the NJ driver. I have great respect for NJ drivers and yield the road to them every time. Especially if it’s a big yellow Caddy. You know that car has had a body or two in the trunk at some point in time. I smile, nod, and stay the hell out of their way. Incidentally, this applies to any big yellow Caddy with a Florida plate on it as well. That’s a NJ driver going South for the winter. Get behind them because they will carve a path for you to follow.

Massachusetts – People in MA drive like they’re all transporting pregnant women in labor to the hospital. In the land of the Rotary (aka traffic circle), MA drivers are the closest thing to an F1 driver you will find on the open roads. They stop for nothing and any space is available to them, even if that space is a mere seven foot opening in front of your vehicle. They will cut you off with no notice or remorse. The upside is that you can, and are expected to, do the same thing. It’s encouraged and they hold no ill-will against anyone who does it. It’s a way of life. Horn blowing is an official state language.

     Beep = Cut in front of me, bud. Plenty of room. Go on ahead.

     Beep-beep = Not gonna fit in front of me. Try behind me. I'll squeeze up to make more room.

     Beeeeep = Hello.

    BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP = Welcome to Massachusetts. You should park your car and utilize public transport, such as a taxi or the T. That’s the train, you know. You’ll enjoy your visit more if you do. Have a nice day!

Pennsylvania – I’ve noticed that the skills of PA drivers have improved over the years. They’re kind of slow still, but rarely stay in my way for too long. Unfortunately, it’s still the land of orange cones and construction, so I hate you.

Virginia – WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN THE LEFT LANE??? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW TO DRIVE A CAR??? YOU $%#@*$%!!!!!!!

West Virginia – Lock the doors. Make eye-contact with no one.

North Carolina – I have no complaints about NC drivers. However, whoever is in charge of the highway signs for the State of NC needs to be publicly flogged. We were on an interstate that just up and ended without warning. Apparently we needed to exit somewhere along the way, but there was no sign whatsoever about this. This happened three times. Thankfully, I am the Chekov of our vehicle and I can work Google Maps on my phone better than any five-year-old, or we'd probably still be stuck in NC.

South Carolina – No hurries. No worries. Some of the most polite drivers on the road. Massachusetts on Ritalin.

I realize there are exceptions to every rule. Not everyone in Virginia is a left-lane hogging, slow-arsed, son of a HONNNNNNK. But why take the chance that I might be behind you, flipping you off with my mind so hard I'm about to have a stroke. Just move over. Move the eff over.

Above all, drive safe and enjoy the journey.

~ Steph

Labor Day 2013 on the Niagara Wine Trail

Every Holiday we have off from work during good weather seasons, we like to go to the wineries. This year we traveled around the Cayuga Lake Wine Trail on Saturday with Stacey and her sister Shelly. I have no pictures from that trip. Just a hilarious memory of an 80+ year old woman in the bathroom at Americana saying very loudly to her friend, "My fingers smell like a Cuban!" Thankfully I was already in the stall and on the toilet or I would have peed my pants. 

{{{Incidently, a Cuban is a sandwich on the Americana Cafe menu. I know because I ate a Cuban for lunch too. Tee hee hee hee hee. Still funny.}}}

Instead, I've decided to post about the trip we took last year on Labor Day. Apparently I never did. It was the first time we'd been on this trail, so I took lots of pictures.

DISCLAIMER: Stacey gave me permission to do this. Drew doesn't really have a choice. 

The Niagara Wine Trail

Labor Day 2013

The Winery at Marjim Manor is apparently haunted and was featured on the TV show "Ghost Hunters."

 We didn't see any ghosts, but we did see lots of wine!!!!

Stacey and I insist that Drew make these!!

Haven't tasted a thing yet and already Stacey's smiling. It's going to be a good day!!

The gift shop area had some really REALLY neat items. I wish I'd taken closer pictures. They had stemless wine glasses and a decanter with a Black Widow Spider painted on them. I don't like spiders AT ALL, but it was really cool!

We did the wine & chocolate pairing, which was really neat. Loved this winery and will go back again.

  

The wines here were fantastic, which I hate to admit because the chick pouring the wine was a BLEEP! Completely miserable. Lucky for the winery, the older woman who checked us out was super nice. We talked with her for a while. Her and the excellent wines made up for the cranky witch doing the servings. We would go here again, but would NOT do a tasting with her.

Chateau Niagara Winery

I have no picture of the sign or building because both looked kind of...rednecky. We almost passed on going into the metal barn for a wine tasting. I'm soooooo glad we didn't, because this was one of our favorite stops. This gentlemen (forgot his name!) was hilarious! He gave us the history of the Niagara Wine Trail. We loved the Ala Mode wine and left with a few bottles each! A fantastic place! A definite "must go-to" on future trips.

A very nice winery with lots to look at! I would compare them to Swedish Hill. Or Knapp. Lots of fun wines!!

This was the one we were all waiting for!!!!

Don't be fooled. She loves the paparazzi!

Gust of Sun has a second floor for reading and lounging. We'd read about this on their website and we decided if we lived in the area, we'd probably spend a lot of time up here. There's books to borrow. We could have writer's meetings up here! I think it's a fantastic place!!

This is one of the owner's dogs. They live next door and you can play with them through the fence. Funny little creatures.

Gust of Sun had a huge tent and tables/chairs setup behind the winery. They were planning for a wedding the next day. We asked if we could eat the picnic lunch we've packed back there. They told us definitely. We bought a couple bottles of wine from them and enjoyed a charming lunch. 

And then it rained. 

Nay, it stormed. Bad! Horizontal rain was coming into the tent forcing us to run around looking for dry spots. The owners laughed at us from the safety and dryness of the winery while we huddled in the middle of the tent, laughing our own fool drunk asses off. (Truth be told, Drew was sober. But still laughing.) The storm only lasted a few minutes and created a hilarious fond memory of an awesome winery.

I don't remember this fair lass's name either, but she told us stories about dressing up as a pirate for a winery event. Turns out she was the only adult that dressed up. We promised to return for the event in our pirate regalia too. None of us remembered. Poopy.

Lots and lots of wines!!! All very good. Similar to Americana.

This is...um...let me check the website...Freedom Run?  Drew?! Is this Freedom Run?! Yes, he says it is.

Pretty glass! Very Chihuly-esque.

A sitting area with tables. Drew says I really liked the wines here too. I have to take his word for it.

 

  Dog!!  I think this was at Arrowhead Spring Vineyards. But I'm not sure. I just remember it was a winery with a bunch of weird hippies. Not the staff. Other wine tasters. It was bizarre. Will go there again...because I don't remember anything but the dog. We played frisbee with this dog for about a half hour. I have over fifty pictures of him. Seriously. We loved this dog.

And the last winery (that I have any recollection of) is Leonard Oakes. Here's what I know about it...

Stacey and I were obsessed with his metal decoration over the doorway. We stared at it for a long time. I took three pictures of it. I'm still kind of obsessed with it.

And the other thing...I really really really really liked their wines. I found a Case Club Member card in my purse the next day. To my credit, every single bottle from that case has been amazing. My taste when I'm inebriated is apparently phenomenal.

So, in closing, the Niagara Lake Wine Trail was a blast!!!! We were shocked at the number of wineries they have. Good wineries. There were only a couple that I would never go back to. I haven't mentioned them here because I really don't like to spread negativity on my blog. (Except that little snot at Schulze's. I only mentioned her as a public service announcement to warn other tasters.) But a lot of wine tasting comes down to your own personal taste. What I might not like, you might. I would rather inform, than review.

~ Steph

BANNERS!!!!!

I've been busy lately doing lots of different crafty stuff, and I'm in a sharing mood today. Most of the time I couldn't be bothered to figure out a good way to photograph anything I made (super impatient), so...

WARNING:  BAD PHOTOGRAPHY AHEAD!!!

My co-worker and fellow wine addict Pam threw a combination Bridal Shower / Graduation Party recently. Her eldest son Brian is marrying a lovely, totally Mom-approved girl by the name of Lian in the Fall. Pam's youngest son Kyle recently graduated from Mexico High School. To celebrate, she held one glorious party for them all. 

I love it when Pam asks me for assistance. Her voice gets all quiet and shy, like an innocent fourteen-year-old asking the Senior captain of the football team to borrow his pen in English class. (In this scenario, apparently the captain is incredibly stupid as he's in the same English class as a fourteen-year-old.)

Steph, can you make me some invitations? I only need three! It's just for the out-of-town guests. 

Sure. What do you need?

Can you do one invitation for both a Bridal Shower and a Graduation party?

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh............sure?

I got really lucky. Mexico's colors are orange & black. Brian & Lian's wedding theme is "We really really really REALLY love SU," so their colors are orange & blue. Go 'cuse!

Pam is the mother of three boys. Pam doesn't do party decor. Luckily for her, I do.

Pam, you want banners? I'll make you banners. Baaaaaaaaaanners.

Alright.

Cue the sound of my Silhouette Portrait in overdrive!!!

The end pennants have a graduation cap and diploma on them. 

The middle pennant has the Mexico Tigers logo on it with 2014.

The end pennants have two doves, each holding a ribbon that's shaped into a heart. 

The middle pennant has their wedding date on it.

After making these, I became obsessed with banners.

Julie! Want a banner?!?!?!?!?!

Ok.

Same idea as Kyle's, but with the USCS Wolves logo in the middle. I even made additional letters for Julie to spell out Connor and Abby's names for when they graduate from Union Springs someday. Thanks to this banner, Julie's family can never move. Or drop out of High School.

In addition to the large banner, I made smaller ones for the table decorations.

On one side, USCS. On the other, 2014. Held onto the sticks by white and purple woven ribbon. And yes, someday in the future I'll be swapping out 2014 for a different year. Julie's children are faintly amused that their mother will be reusing these decorations. I am a more than willing accomplice to this deed. The banners really are just that cool.

This isn't what the final centerpieces looked like, but this will give you an idea of their size and what they looked like...

I believe Julie used white & purple painted terra cotta pots for the base. The sparkly stuff is from the Dollar Store, and the stones are mini-marble found in the patio-section of Lowe's.

NEXT!!

I'm having an "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" themed 30th birthday party.

Really Kate? I'll make a banner!!

A wha--???

Only fans of the show would understand this banner, so I'm not going to try and explain it. I'll just come off as weirder and more crazy than I actually am. You can just take Kate's word for it that this was AMAZING!!!!

Now serving #4...

Can I get a banner? It's for the church. We celebrate everyone's graduation at one party every year, so just something simple that we can reuse. Any color you want. I'll pay you for it!

Heck no, Janeen! I haven't charged anyone yet. I'll come up with something for you.

Tada!!!

And finally...

We're having a shower for--

STOP!..............BANNER TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Congratulations on top is my banner, which will be reused. The bottom one I gave to my co-workers Ashley & Ryan, who are getting married...TODAY!!!!! Wow! I would have forgotten! Thank you Banner!!

I think I'm about over the banner-craze. I will still make them for special events, but I don't jump in people's faces and scream YOU NEED A BANNER!!!! Although, I do like Kate's suggestion of a Thunderdome banner for my bathroom at home. 

Hmmm...maybe.